How Can You Improve Your Marriage? 10 Marriages in the BibleSample

David and Michal

Verses for Reflection:

- 1 Samuel 14

- 1 Samuel 18

- 1 Samuel 19

I realized this once and for all when, during a lecture by Ed Welch on biblical counseling, my husband yawned a hundred times in twenty minutes.

Deep, logical, slow presentations are not his style. Reading books or listening to theological reflections literally puts him to sleep. But I find it interesting. I love sermons that don’t just shake me emotionally but lift me a little higher, making me stretch on my toes.

My husband, on the other hand, is completely different. He enjoys bright, passionate, motivational speeches. He is inspired when people speak loudly, powerfully, to the point that you want to cry or jump into battle shouting, “Hallelujah!”

Is it good to compare your partner with others? Let’s analyze this using the biblical couple—David and Michal.

Michal was a princess. David was a shepherd. When he became the people's favorite after fulfilling King Saul's requirements, she became his wife (1 Samuel 18:27). Even then, there was a gap between them in status, upbringing, and vision. But David loved Michal, and she returned his love (1 Samuel 18:28).

When it came down to choosing between her father or her husband, she chose David. She saved his life (1 Samuel 19:12). However, their marriage weathered many storms—both external and internal.

At the moment when it seemed like everything was behind them—Saul had died, and David became king—they could have enjoyed each other. But something strange happened.

When the Ark of the Lord was ceremoniously brought into Jerusalem, David danced before God with all his might (2 Samuel 6:14). Michal, watching from the palace window, saw the king—not in armor, not on the throne, but in a linen ephod, caught up in worship.

Perhaps another image flashed in her mind: the majestic Saul, strong, authoritative, and silent. And, comparing, she devalued David. In her eyes, he had lost his royal dignity. And, as often happens in marriage, she could not keep this to herself. She expressed everything she thought.

David, on the other hand, was in a moment of closeness with God. And when he heard condemnation from his wife, he could not just brush it aside. After this conversation, he no longer entered Michal’s chambers. Their marriage was ruined by comparison (2 Samuel 6:20–23).

Comparison does not inspire. It kills individuality, belittles, and devalues. Someone always seems better: more eloquent, deeper, more spiritual. But real life is not a stage or a broadcast. It is love for a living, imperfect person.

Phrases like “You’re just like your father” or “You’re just like your mother” are not just words. They are swords that cut the emotional bond and close the heart.

I remind myself: my husband is not Tim Keller. And he is not C.S. Lewis. He is Serhiy Lesnyk. A child of God with a unique blend of strength and weakness, experience and mistakes, inspiration and struggle.

And I am not Keller’s wife. I am his wife. It is with him that I made a vow to love.

Not the “improved” version, not an ideal from Instagram. But him—alive, real.

Lord, heal my heart from the temptation to compare.

Teach me to see the value in the one You have entrusted to me.

Give me love that thanks, accepts, and blesses.

Questions for Reflection:

1. Who do you compare your loved one to?

2. What fruits does this comparison bring to your heart?

3. What is unique about the person next to you?

You can read more reflections on this topic in the book "My Imperfect Marriage."