Sacred Intimacy: God's Design for SexSample

Goodness of Sex

Key Verse:

"My beloved is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand." - Song of Songs 5:10

Reading:

About 10 years ago, I started a ministry called Awaken Love. It started when I'd been married for about 25 years, and I took a study on the Song of Songs. Through that study, I was awakened to the fact that God wanted more intimacy with me. I had gained a new awareness of how much God loves me, but it also awakened me to the importance of intimacy in my marriage. Now, I've been blessed to have a good marriage. But honestly, we had a safe marriage; we didn't discuss difficult things. One of the hard things we didn't talk about was that sex was good, but it wasn't as good as God wanted it to be for us. I don't think I had a clear understanding of how important sex was for my marriage. So I went on this journey of discovery, and then after a year, working hard and figuring things out, I just felt like I needed to share what I learned about sex with other people. So I invited eight close friends onto my porch so that I could share what I've learned. Out of that has grown a ministry, where I think that first year I taught over 100 women, and every year after that, to the point where now I've had over 1000 women in person. I've heard so many stories, I've seen stories of transformation, and I just believe that God's gift of sex is powerful, and that there are so many bad messages about sex that we need to understand the truth about sex. So, I want to share with you what I've learned about sex. I want to share with you some of the stories I've heard from women and men who have been transformed as they learn the truth about sex. We've all been impacted by the messages about sex, whether it's from culture, the church, from awkward conversations, or from things we've seen on TV, or in pornography, and so we all bring baggage to the table. As we go on this journey, I want to encourage you to leave that all behind while we dive into what God's original intention for sex is.

So I want to begin with Song of Songs, and this book is different than many others in the Bible because it speaks to your heart instead of your mind. Instead of giving us guidelines like spend time together or talk to each other, this book is made up of poetry that gives us a picture of what this passionate, intimate relationship is. One thing that stood out to me in Song of Songs is that the woman speaks as much as he does, that she invites as much as he does, and that she expresses herself as much as he does. When you think about when this book was written, 3000 years ago, the cultural role of women was very passive and unequal to their husbands. And yet, even in that culture, God is portraying husbands and wives as equals in the marriage bed. I think that a profound truth that we need to capture is that, regardless of what the role of men or women is, in culture, God intended for husbands and wives to be equal in the marriage bed, for her to be able to ask for what she wants. I think that's very different from what we've typically heard about the roles of men and women in the intimacy of their marriage. Now, I don't think it's about men and women being the same, because I think men and women are very different in their sexuality. And in fact, I think that we have much to learn from each other. It's not about women trying to be like a man; it's about husbands bringing their best selves and sharing them with their wives. But it's also about wives bringing themselves and sharing it with their husbands.

One thing that we need to understand is that sex isn't just about physical pleasure, but it is also about spending time together and learning from one another. Most of the time, women are very in tune with whether their sex is truly about them connecting or getting to the finish line, and that's something a man can learn. On the other hand, husbands can help their wives become more spontaneous.

So, husbands and wives bring very, very different things to the marriage bed. But both are important. And there is an importance in learning to make sex mutually enjoyable for both husbands and wives.

Reflection:

Goodness of Sex: Are you experiencing the goodness of sex? If not, what is preventing it?

Personal Struggles: Have you struggled with sex in the past, maybe sexual sin or discontent? How can you give that up to God?

Image of Sex: Do you view sex as something bad? How can you shift your view of sex to recognize that God created it for good?

Prayer:

Father God, thank You for the beautiful gift of intimacy in marriage. Help us to understand and embrace your design for sex, making it mutually enjoyable and fulfilling. Clear away any misconceptions or baggage we carry about sex, and let us hear your truth. Strengthen our marriages, and help us to love and honor each other as equals, reflecting Your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.