From fragmentation to unity

We all long for relationships that support us: for a partner who sees and understands us. We long for parents with whom we can speak openly and without fear of misunderstanding, and for friends who accompany us through the ups and downs of life. But the reality is often different.

One careless word is enough to expose old pain or bring an unresolved conflict to a head. Words mutate into weapons, and within seconds, something we thought was indestructible is shattered. Families quarrel, friendships fade, or couples lose themselves in everyday life. Sometimes the twist comes in an argument, sometimes it is a gradual process.

At Christmas, our desire for harmony is especially strong. We celebrate the birth of Jesus and wish that our holidays had more to do with the romance of Christmas movies than with everyday worries. But expectations are high, and existing conflicts don't simply disappear just because it's a special day. On the contrary, it's as if the candles on the Christmas tree illuminate the cracks in our relationships particularly brightly.

Paul writes that we should bear with one another and forgive one another (cf. Colossians 3:13). Forgiveness is not a way of sweeping things under the carpet, nor is it an invitation to our counterpart to hurt us again. Forgiveness means that we acknowledge the guilt and yet decide not to hold on to it. It is a step towards freedom. For the other person, but above all for ourselves.

Jesus does not call us to silence, but to reconciliation (cf. Matthew 18:15). We are to address problems and hurts, even if it takes effort and courage, and even though we have no guarantee that the other person will engage in conversation. Even if you do everything right, it can happen that the other person feels attacked and hurts you again instead of choosing the path of reconciliation.

Unity is a wonderful thing, but it is not a product of chance or something that happens automatically if we just pray often enough. Unity is a daily decision. There will always be situations in which our relationships are put to the test, and we would like nothing more than to throw all the hurtful words we have on the tip of our tongue at the other person. It would feel so good! But it feels even better to remain in God's love every day and accept the gift of unity—even and especially when things are tough.

Next steps: Where in your life are you currently experiencing separation, although you desire unity? Ask the Holy Spirit what His plan is for this situation and let yourself be filled with His love and peace.