From Shame to SafetySample

God’s story is a story of connection. From Genesis to Revelation, God longs to dwell with His people. This is true in the garden, in the tabernacle, in the person of Jesus, and through the Spirit within us even now.

But shame disrupts connection. Especially our connection to ourselves.

Shame is often rooted in fear. Licensed therapist Chrissie Steyn explains that when fear persists—or gets internalized as “there’s something wrong with me”—a deep wound forms. In Internal Family Systems (IFS) language, this wound becomes what’s called an exile—a young, vulnerable part of us that’s been pushed away or hidden.

Because God designed us to survive, our nervous system recruits other parts to protect us from the exile’s pain. These “protector parts” can look like self-criticism, anxiety, perfectionism, addiction, or withdrawal. But here’s where we often misunderstand: these behaviors aren’t proof of weak faith or a broken spirit. They’re signs that a part of you is working hard to keep you safe—though in doing so, they sometimes create more disconnection.

The answer to shame isn’t to force these parts to stop—it’s to create safety so they no longer feel they have to work so hard to be worthy of love and connection.

And safety looks like this: a Spirit-led presence—what IFS calls Self energy, and what we as Christians understand as our own spirit, guided and connected to the Holy Spirit—showing up without judgment and without an agenda. Simply witnessing. Listening. Bringing warmth where there’s been coldness, and compassion where there’s been condemnation.

When we stop trying to “fix” the shame and instead notice it with curiosity, those protective parts begin to soften. The exiled places inside us realize they’re no longer alone—and they can finally tell their story.

This is how we begin to heal—not through force, but through loving presence. God never rushes us. And He invites us to mirror that same patience toward ourselves, allowing connection to slowly replace the disconnection shame has caused.

Consider the reflection below, and come back tomorrow as we wrap up this plan and continue to explore healing.

Reflection:

Think of a moment, whether recent or distant, that stirred shame. How might you listen to the part of you that felt it, with compassion? What might your body have been trying to tell you in that moment?

Prayer:

God, thank you for designing me with care. Thank you that every reaction and defense I have is rooted in a longing for loving safety. Today, give me the courage and capacity to slow down and listen—to you and to my body. Help me welcome the parts of me that have worked so hard to protect, and accept the exiled places within me that still carry hurt and pain. I invite your spirit to guide me gently as I notice each part of me with compassion, not judgment. Help me accept myself the way you accept me—patiently, gently, and lovingly. I trust that healing begins with presence. In your name I pray, amen.