Parenting on PointSample

Building a Foundation of Integrity

Integrity is about being honest, trustworthy, and consistent in character. It means doing what is right, even when no one is watching. As parents, it’s our responsibility to help our children understand the value of integrity and to live it out in their daily lives. Integrity is foundational to their relationship with God and with others.

I (Mark) remember a time when our kids were little when I learned a profound lesson about integrity, and it shaped the way I parented the kids, even up through the time they all left home. One morning, I was in my home office catching up on emails when my young son came running into the room with a big smile on his face and said, “Dad, can you come play with me?” I glanced at my computer screen filled with a list of unfinished tasks and, without looking up, quickly replied, “Maybe later, buddy. I’ve got some work to finish first.” His face fell, and he walked away quietly.

Hours passed as I got more engrossed in my work, and I didn’t even realize how much time had gone by. I finally took a break and went outside to find my son. To my surprise, I saw him sitting on the steps with a ball in his hands, staring down at the ground. He looked up when he heard my footsteps, and there was a mix of sadness and disappointment in his eyes. I felt a wave of guilt wash over me, realizing I’d made a promise—even if it was a small one—and hadn’t kept it. I’d told him “maybe later” with no real intention of following through. The look on his face spoke volumes about how much that small promise meant to him.

Kneeling in front of him, I said, “Hey, buddy, I’m really sorry. I said I’d play with you later, and I didn’t keep my word. That wasn’t right of me.” He looked up and said, “It’s ok, Dad,” looking a little surprised by the apology, but the disappointment hadn’t entirely faded. I continued, “No, it’s not ok. I want you to know that when I say something, I mean it, and today, I didn’t do that. Can you forgive me?” He nodded, and I could see a small smile starting to creep back onto his face. “How about we go play right now?” he offered. Over the next hour, we played ball, laughed, and talked in the backyard. As we played, I realized it wasn’t just about playing ball or keeping a promise—it was about integrity. It was about being a man of my word, even in the small things. If my kids were going to trust me with big things, they had to see that they could first trust me in the little things.

Explain to your children that integrity means being the same person in private as they are in public. It’s about living truthfully and consistently, whether at home, school, or with friends. Help them see that integrity builds trust and earns respect from others. Model integrity in your own life. Be honest with your children, keep your promises, and admit when you’re wrong. When they see you living with integrity, they’re more likely to follow your example. Show them that integrity is important in both big and small matters.

Encourage your children to think before they speak or act. Help them understand the consequences of dishonesty or deceit. Teach them to ask themselves, "Is this the right thing to do?" and to make choices that honor God and others. Discuss examples of integrity from the Bible, like Daniel, who remained faithful to God despite pressure to conform (Daniel 6), or Joseph, who refused to sin even when it seemed like no one would know (Genesis 39). Use these stories to show how God honors those who live with integrity.

The Bible talks a lot about sowing and reaping. As a parent, you do a lot of sowing when they are little, and often the reaping does not come for some years. If you are sowing integrity in the little years, imagine how much pain your child could avoid as they hit their teen years!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for being our ultimate example of integrity. Help us to live honestly and to always choose what is right. Teach us to walk in Your truth and to be people of integrity, reflecting Your character in all we do. In Jesus' name, Amen.