Starting the Process of Healing From Church HurtSample

Choosing Compassion in Your Pain

“Pain that is not transformed is transmitted.”

Richard Rohr’s quote speaks directly to the danger of neglecting our pain rather than taking the hard journey of healing. When we’re hurting, we often end up hurting others.

Today, we’ll learn how to stay compassionate in the midst of our pain by following the way of Jesus.

Saint Augustine famously defined sin as “man curved inward on himself.” While your current pain from church hurt may not stem from anything you’ve done, it is the result of our broken world.

Your wounds likely came from people who were “curved in on themselves.” Whether intentional or not, imperfect people made decisions that left you carrying shrapnel you’re now trying to heal from.

A natural response to pain is to isolate. We retreat from hard things in an attempt to numb ourselves. It’s a defense mechanism—one meant to protect us from further hurt. While withdrawal is a normal reaction, it is not God’s best for us.

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brené Brown speaks to the danger of numbing:

“You cannot selectively numb. So when we numb [hard feelings], we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness. And then we are miserable, and we are looking for purpose and meaning, and then we feel vulnerable, so then we have a couple of beers and a banana nut muffin. And it becomes this dangerous cycle.”

Pain can tempt us to curve in on ourselves. We may fall for the lie that comfort is found in isolation, consumption, or cynicism. So we binge shows, abandon community, and seek healing outside the arms of Christ.

But Jesus offers a better way to heal.

As he hung on the cross, Jesus used some of his final breaths to care for his family and friends:

“When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, ‘Woman, here is your son,’ and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother.’ From that time on, this disciple took her into his home” (John 19:26–27, NIV).

In the middle of the most pain known to humankind, Jesus remained compassionate to those around him.

It may feel impossible to choose compassion right now, but Jesus has made a way. Look to the cross, where he extended compassion to us when we were least deserving. He refused to curve inward and instead poured his love outward.

In the strength of Jesus, we have the capacity to do the same.

Prayer

Jesus, it’s so tempting to shut down, to protect myself, to withdraw. But you didn’t do that, not even on the cross. Give me the courage to stay open. Help me receive your compassion and extend it to others, even in the middle of my pain.

Reflection

1. When you've been hurt by the Church, how have you reacted in ways that may not align with God’s best for you?
2. What are some more examples of Jesus responding to others with compassion?
3. What would it look like for you to engage your community with compassion in the middle of your pain?