Raising People, Not ProductsSample

A distinct memory from my early years as a mom happened one night as I was putting my six-year-old daughter to bed. I would often ask my kids, "Do you know I love you?" The answer from all of them was always, "Yes." Yet this night, I followed up with a different question. I asked my daughter, "Do you know I am proud of you?" The answer was, "No."

She needed a little more "Susan Schaeffer Macauley" in my mothering. She needed to know I valued her for who she was at the moment, not for what she was becoming. I did not need her to explain her answer to me. I instinctively knew why the answer was no.

Whether or not my list of expectations was reasonable was not the problem. The problem was that I had let my desire for her to meet the standards I was setting overshadow the value of my relationship with her. When a child is continually corrected for her shortcomings, it is very difficult to feel her mom's approval.

When your desire for your child to reach their full potential begins overshadowing the value of your relationship with them, a dangerous shift has occurred. The product mentality - whether focused on academic excellence, athletic achievement, or even spiritual performance - can become a subtle relationship killer.

Your child needs to know they are valued for who they are right now, not just for who they're becoming. This doesn't mean abandoning all expectations or discipline, but rather ensuring that your relationship remains the foundation from which all guidance and correction flows.

Reflection Question: What expectations or goals might be casting shadows over your child's sense of being valued for who they are today?