Trauma Aware: 7 Days to More Biblical and Empathic CareSample

Day 4: The Three Stages of Recovery: Stage 2

Processing (Remembering and Mourning)

Remembering and mourning is the stage in which processing happens, so it is reasonable to call this the “processing” stage. There is a tendency for helpers to jump into this stage too quickly. Because it is the stage in which the trauma story is usually told, we can easily assume it is the first or most important part of trauma care. However, as we learned earlier, that is not the case. In many cases, safety and stabilization may be the most crucial stage for ensuring effective trauma care.

When safety is established, remembering and mourning become natural next steps. It is in this stage the person begins to connect meaning to what they have been through and starts to process how to live going forward. As they remember and process, opportunities will arise for sharing biblical truth. Remembering who God is amid difficult and traumatic situations confirms the safety and help they have from God as his loved children.

Here is a sampling of Scripture passages that might be helpful as you seek to walk with a person in remembering truth:

•Psalm 91:4: “He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart” (NIV).

•Isaiah 41:10: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (NIV).

In this stage, helpers often feel the least equipped. For the traumatized person, this stage can include emotional expressions of fear, anger, grief, and loss. Their story may unfold for them in ways they might not have experienced before. Exploring what happened and how it affected them is a big part of this stage.

During this stage, the person also acknowledges and mourns any losses associated with the trauma experienced. This can include mourning the loss of safety, which is why establishing it beforehand is a priority. This can also include mourning a loss of trust. People who have endured traumatic situations in relationships may not trust others, and they may find it hard to trust themselves. As they reflect on and grieve the past, they may experience regret over how they trusted others or themselves. Self-doubt can continue long after the traumatic experience.

They may also mourn a loss of freedom or identity. They may feel the person they were before the traumatic experience is not the person they are today, and this can cause grief. Emotions can often be raw and on the surface, or the person may feel flat or come across as blunt. These are normal expressions of grief.

Processing trauma is hard and courageous work for the one who is suffering. It is also hard and courageous work for the caregiver. It requires a dependence on God and a willingness to explore matters that do not have easy answers. With a dependence on the Spirit, though, this can be a time of great spiritual growth. As you move into the processing stage with someone, you will need to be able to recognize and understand how trauma impacts a person.