When you are preparing for marriage, thoughts and conversations about sex are common. People want to know how far it is okay to go when it comes to sex. Here are common questions I get asked about sex from dating and engaged couples:
Do you see anything in common in those questions? It’s like people are asking: How close can I get to the fire without getting burned?
These are the wrong questions to ask. I want to challenge you. Instead of asking how close can you get to the fire without getting burned, ask yourself: How far away from the fire can I get?
Most of us can rationalize anything we want to, but the reality is, the closer you get to the fire, the easier it is for you to get burned. You have sexual desires and urges, and if you put yourself in tempting situations, it is going to be harder to remain pure.
So I want to challenge those of you that are not married: Instead of asking yourself what you can do sexually and trying to figure that out, spend your time and energy getting to know the person you are dating in a way that doesn’t tempt you sexually. Strive to do things that draw you closer to God, not further away from God.
Dr. Kim challenges us to ask a new question. Instead of “How close can I get to the fire without getting burned?” ask yourself, “How far away from the fire can I get?” What would it look like for you to ask yourself this new question?
Pray and ask God to help you focus on getting to know the person you are in a relationship with, and ask for His help in delaying the sexual part of the relationship until marriage.
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