The First Few Years Of Marriage

Day 5 of 5 • This day’s reading


3: Wear Positive Goggles

At a recent marriage conference, I (Doug) passed out a pair of cheap swim goggles to each couple in the audience. First, I had all the men put on the goggles and then look at their wives. It was pretty funny watching grown men maneuvering the goggles in an attempt to look cool. Then it was the women’s turn to try them on. Many were conscious of their hair, and it was obvious they weren’t pleased they were doing such a silly activity.

After all the couples had tried on the goggles, I said, “Part of the struggle of wearing these goggles is, one, they’re uncomfortable and don’t feel natural; two, they need adjustments to make them fit; and three, they require practicing in water before they’ll work the way they’re designed to.”


I then asked the couples to place the goggles in a conspicuous spot in their bedroom or bathroom (e.g., on a dresser, in the shower, on the bathroom sink, etc.) as a daily reminder to see their spouses in a more positive light.

If you don’t want to drift in your marriage, you have to put on your positive goggles every day. As I told the couples at the marriage conference, this may feel uncomfortable and unnatural at first, you’ll probably need to make some adjustments, and you’ll most likely have to practice before positivity becomes a default response. But once you make the bold and courageous decision to move from negativity to a more positive tone in your marriage, we’re confident you’ll begin to see your marriage change for the better. Being positive about each other isn’t a feeling; it’s a daily choice that you have the power to make. So go ahead. Put on your positive goggles!


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