Embracing the Gift of Sex in Marriage: Looking Through a Biblical Lens Part 1Sample

Today we find further evidence that God is not a prude in the words of Song of Solomon. In today’s verses, this husband is enjoying the body of his wife. In another verse, he talks of making love to her all night long.

Those verses open the door for a couple to have honest, deep conversations about their sex life. Start with this question. What do you want out of your sexual relationship in your marriage today? Find a time when the two of you can have the time, space, and privacy to have this conversation. Each of you write down five things that you would like in sex. Then take turns sharing what you wrote. As you talk, circle the things you agree on and cross off the things you disagree on. They may not have to stay off the table forever, but stick to the things you both want for now.

As you begin having these conversations, let me give you a few guidelines that I think will help. First, you are talking about your sex life and what you both want. Don’t compare yours with someone else's. Don’t get hung up on frequency. You go through different seasons in marriage and so does your sex life. What works today may need some adjustments in the future. Things like children, health, and schedules have to be taken into consideration. Time for sex may be different in different seasons, but whatever the season, continue to make sex a priority. It may just look a little different today than it will tomorrow, next month, or next year.

Second, in these conversations listen well to each other and have empathy for each other. If frequency is a challenge in this season, make the times you set aside for sex be the most enjoyable for both of you. These conversations are to be a win for each of you and your marriage. Be willing to compromise.

Notice how the bride and groom in today’s passage talk openly together about what they like, appreciate, and enjoy. Tell your spouse what you find attractive and appealing about them, and what you enjoy and desire in your sex life.

Today’s Challenge:

Each of you write down five things that are important to you in sex in your marriage and then share them using the guidelines I gave you today.