April 4, 1984, two Christians, a twenty-year-old young girl, and a twenty-two-year-old young boy, decided to elope and do what a woman and a man should. This journey of what we thought would be a blissful dream turned into a quick blundering nightmare. It was nothing like the fairytales I grew up watching; however, it did look like what I grew up with within my family. My husband came from a Christian home where he never saw his parents disagree or fuss.
On the other hand, I came up in a fussing and fighting environment. Now, just because my husband didn't see disagreements doesn't mean it was perfect. He saw his mom as quiet and subservient to his dad. Well, bring that all together in your mind, and what do you see? I'll answer, A MESS! We all are the product of the environments we have come out of, and that is not exclusive just your home environment. There are school environments, workplace environments, social clubs, and, let's not forget, church environments that have helped to shape who we are today. Due to our differences and stubbornness, Mike and I had trouble on our hands for the first seven to eight years of our marriage. He did not like me, and I did not like him. I am the baby girl out of seven, and he is the baby boy out of six. I was very independent and stubborn. He was mean with a strong personality, but we wanted our marriage.
We didn't know what to do. We knew that divorce was not an option, but our "I Do" turned into "Do I?" We needed help, and I knew I had to go to the One with all of the answers for that help. After praying one day, I heard Holy Spirit tell me, "change you." Hear me; I knew God could not have been speaking to me because I believed I was incredible the way I was. My husband needed to change, but I guess God missed that. Change isn't always pleasant, but it is necessary for growth. I knew I was not whole, and I was no good for a husband if I wasn't good for me. So, I stopped trying to fix my husband because that's not my job. How often do we pray for God to fix the other person?
The hardest thing in the world sometimes is to see the wrong and immaturity in oneself. If you want better in your marriage, you must focus on fixing yourself. How do you do that? You must first admit you don't know it all and seek the Father. We read these scriptures but fail to embrace them in troubled times. The Bible is an action book, and to keep your focus, you must do the Word. Remember to do Matthew 6:33 (amp) "But first and most importantly, seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also."
This scripture is packed with many active components. Look at the Word first in that scripture. Many believers go to other resources before going after God's way of doing things. You must relinquish your way and what you grew up around if you want to see better in your marriage.
You will need to make a conscious decision to take on the attitude and character of God. This mindset sounds easy to do when things are going great. God's way of doing right will always produce right. Scripture tells us that there is a way that seems right, but you will get destroyed doing what seems right. Marriage is work, but the pay is beautiful if you don't quit.
Today identify one thing you like about yourself and focus only on that one positive thing. Remember, you must focus on your change and maturity, not your spouse.
1John 4:4 "You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world."