Connected: A 3-Day Journey to Build Your Marriage


A Wife’s Perspective

How should a wife interact with her husband to build him up? Vicki Synn tells her story of how her perspective changed after an encounter at the grocery store.

Let me begin with a little background. I entered into my marriage to Hubie with a lot of baggage. There had been a pattern of divorce, infidelity, and absentee fathers in my upbringing and family history. My first step in learning to respect and honor Hubie was becoming conscious of the critical spirit I was operating under. Early in our marriage Hubie would say, “I don’t feel you’re supporting me,” and I felt hurt because I was clueless as to why he felt that way. I was coming across as nitpicky, controlling, and condescending because I was being those things. I was so ashamed of myself after he repeatedly pointed these issues out to me. The Lord opened my eyes to this realization one day as I was grocery shopping. While walking through the meat section, looking for steak, I noticed an elderly man watching me examine and poke at the packs of steaks. He approached me and asked, “What are you doing there? How do you select the meat?”

I explained my process. “Oh,” he responded as he looked at the pack of steak in his hand. “My wife sent me to get steak, and this is what I’m bringing back. She says I never do anything right.” He shook his head sadly, crumpled the grocery list in his hand, and walked away. My heart broke for him because I could feel the pain of his dejection. From that point on I knew I had to change my attitude and behavior.

I am called to model Christ by respecting Hubie, honoring him, and treating him the way I would want to be treated. The apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 2:3–4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others” (NASB).

I’ve learned to stop telling Hubie what to do—meaning nitpicking, nagging, or arguing with him about the small stuff. We each have our own way of doing things, and that’s OK. Proverbs 21:9 warns about women who cause strife. “It is better to live on a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman” (NASB). Instead, God instructs us to be peacemakers (Rom. 12:18).

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

—Proverbs 31: 30