First, God desires our marital relationships to have maximum trust. He’s not trying to spoil the fun. He knows how important the trust factor is to marriage. By waiting, a couple is able to establish a foundation of trust. Consider this, if you’re dating a person who is willing to have sex with you, then you’re dating a person who is willing to sleep with an unmarried person. What makes you think when you get married your spouse still won’t be willing to have a little sex outside of marriage?
Second, there would be no such thing as STDs if we just followed God’s plan. God obviously had some wisdom regarding sex outside of marriage. Our way of doing things has resulted in countless deaths through AIDS, and millions of people have suffered the consequences of other sexually transmitted diseases. Do you want to avoid contracting AIDS and all other forms of STDs? Have sex God’s way—in the context of monogamous marriage.
Third, premarital sex builds the relationship in reverse order. We are to date the soul, and then sex becomes the celebration of our oneness through the marital covenant. We date the soul and marry the body and soul.
Premarital sex inserts a false set of emotions into the relationship. And as a result, sexually active couples often think they’re closer to each other than they really are. That’s because sex is powerful and creates a false sense of compatibility when in reality the couple may be at odds relationally. By dating the soul, you can first establish your friendship and evaluate whether you’re compatible for one another.
I’ve met many people who have regretted not waiting, but I’ve never met one couple that regretted waiting. The wait is worth it. Now that’s worth pondering.
As we wrap up this question, let me say a word to those who have already had sex outside of marriage—to those perhaps living with regret. I can relate. I was very promiscuous before I gave my life to Christ and even for a season after becoming a believer.
Fortunately, my wife and I were able to date for nearly two years before we got married, and we did wait. I’m so thankful we did. It really created a deep sense of trust for each other, especially for Heather considering my promiscuous past. She saw that I was able to wait—for her.
If you’ve got regrets, know that God is a forgiving God. And if you’re dating someone that you’re currently having sex with, decide together to stop and wait. You won’t be sorry. I promise.
Question to Consider
What are the lies our culture tells us about why we should have sex before marriage?
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