Understanding Sexual Sin: What Is It?Sample

SEXUAL IMMORALITY AND PHYSICAL INTIMACY BEFORE MARRIAGE

When it comes to physical expressions of affection before marriage, many Christians struggle with the question, “How far is too far?” There seems to be a great deal of confusion and misunderstanding as to what the Bible actually has to say on this point. That’s unfortunate, since the Scriptures are actually quite clear about it. Let’s take a closer look.

Biblically speaking, sexual immorality (Greek “porneia”) is any sexual activity that takes place outside of marriage. This includes adultery, premarital sex, and extramarital sex. Scripture teaches that both are off-limits for Christians (see 1 Corinthians 6:9; Acts 15:29; Hebrews 13:4).

First Thessalonians 4:3-5 tells us that it is God’s will that we should “avoid sexual immorality” and that each of us should learn to control his or her own body “in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen who do not know God.” That’s the short and simple answer to this question.

A more nuanced response would have to take into account the age and maturity of the couple concerned. There’s a bigger issue at stake here than simply “how far is too far” –  namely, the question of timing.

Sexuality is a powerful thing, and sexual intimacy is progressive in nature. What this means is that the longer a man and woman are together, and the more physically affectionate they become, the more difficult it will be to resist temptation. 

At that point, rules and guidelines aren’t going to be of much help – especially not when hormones are running high and the culture is saying “just do it.” Couples who want to remain sexually pure have to be cool-headed enough to devise a definite plan of action and courageous enough to implement it.

If you’re at an age and stage of life where marriage is a feasible option, you should think seriously about setting a date for the wedding. There are a number of things to take into account before making this decision, of course, including your parenting beliefs and your ability to support yourselves financially. Generally speaking, age is also an important factor: the best research on divorce indicates that a couple’s chances for a successful marriage are much greater if they wait until they’re at least twenty-three to tie the knot.

If there are green lights in all these areas, and if both partners are truly committed to Christ, to each other, and to God’s design for sexuality, it would be a good idea to start moving toward the goal of marriage by undergoing some pre-engagement counseling.

If, on the other hand, you are not in a position to get married within the next year to eighteen months, you should take an honest look at your circumstances and ask yourselves whether it’s a good idea to continue dating. It might be wise to put your relationship on hold until you’re older and better prepared to step into a lifelong commitment. 

The sexual pressures aren’t going to get any easier to bear, and the more time you spend together, the closer you will become emotionally. If sexual purity is important to you, there’s no reason to place yourselves in the way of these daily temptations. On the other side of the coin, if you aren’t committed to marriage, or if you’re not ready to assume the practical responsibilities it requires, it’s worth asking yourselves why you’re walking down this road in the first place.