Aftershock - Making Decisions and Preparing for Action

Day 1 of 7 • This day’s reading


Understand the Severity of Your Situation 

Section 5 shared how various root issues including lack of caring human connection or intimacy disorders can explain why some men are lured into using pornography. In some cases, the addictive nature of pornography and destructive sexual behaviors carry severe complications and cause extensive damage to both partners and the marriage. To assess and treat the underlying and varied conditions, a more specialized type of counseling is needed in lieu of traditional counseling.

Traditional counseling is probably the kind of counseling you’re most familiar with. Perhaps you’ve tried this route in the past, meeting once or twice a week for fifty-minute sessions with a general marriage counselor or your pastor. Traditional therapy is effective for broad-spectrum marriage issues, such as when a couple has a good foundation but has hit a serious snag. Think of it like going to your family physician. In a given week, he or she treats a wide array of issues, from a sore throat to a broken leg, and maybe delivers a baby. However, if your family physician suspects that you have throat cancer, he or she will send you to an oncologist. The physician understands that your condition could be extremely serious, requiring a specialist with years of additional training and experience.

Intensive marital counseling is a more ideal approach for couples who suffer from an intimacy disorder and the other root issues which are typically part of sexually addictive behaviors. They need a marriage specialist with additional training and expertise in treating complex relationship symptoms. The specialist not only treats the surface behaviors but also knows how to assess, diagnose, and treat the bigger issues hidden beneath the surface. Treating these deeper core issues or “drivers” of the sexual compulsion requires a different format – several hours or blocks of time over three to five days in a row. Couples are usually quite surprised when they discover that several months’ worth of therapy is accomplished in one week, and it truly changes the direction of their lives and marriages! Obviously, one week of therapy isn’t a complete magic fix but think of it like a surgical procedure or radiation treatment for a marriage in crisis.

Next, we’ll look at some things to consider before confronting your husband.