Aftershock - Confronting Your Husband

Day 1 of 6 • This day’s reading


How to Respond to His Response: Possibility 1

Your husband’s response to your specific requests will determine what you do next. The purpose of anticipating his response is to help you avoid being shocked and losing your composure. 

Possibility 1: How to Respond If He Repents and Wants Help – If your husband expresses sincere remorse for what he’s done, there’s a good chance he might be willing to take a brand-new approach in response to your concerns.

If he responds with godly sorrow and repentance, express the need for specialized pornography-recovery counseling to thoroughly help your relationship on your healing journey. How might you do that? Here’s one way you might respond:

“I’m so grateful that you take responsibility for your behavior, and you’re willing to get help. I’ve been reading a devotional called Aftershock, written by marriage therapists who specialize in helping couples like us. What I’m going to suggest now is based on their expertise and the success they’ve seen with couples who have followed through with their commitment to a recovery plan. I think it would be helpful if you read the devotional too, but even if you don’t, I’ve decided to take the healthy actions I’ve embraced after learning from this material. It’s a new day for me, and I hope it soon will be for you, too. I’ve made a list of non-negotiables based on the Aftershock devotional. This other document is called “A Man’s Invitation to Recovery.” After you read both documents, we can move forward with finding a counselor.”

Obviously, you’ll want to personalize this script to reflect the way you talk. You’ll also want to be assertive rather than aggressive in your response. Remember the ditch illustration in section 4? Make sure to stay firmly on the solid ground of assertiveness and avoid the ditches of passivity and aggression.

From this point, it’s a long but direct road to healing and restoration. After your husband agrees to act on the three non-negotiables, you’ll begin the counseling process. Eventually, when you and your husband are ready, you’ll begin ongoing follow-up care and continue with your recovery plan. This journey won’t be easy, but it will be well worth it.

Next, we’ll consider how to respond if your husband’s reaction to your confrontation is initially less promising.