Draw Near – 365 Guides to Greater Intimacy with GodSample

DIFFERENCES Because men and women marry for different reasons, conflict often occurs in marriage. Dr. Clifford Adams notes that men marry for the following reasons: (1) companionship, (2) sex, (3) romantic love, (4) desire for children and a home, (5) need for a helpmate, and (6) security. Adams has observed that women marry for the following reasons: (1) romantic love, (2) security, (3) companionship, (4) desire for children and a home, (5) sex, and (6) community acceptance. Explaining the difference, Adams suggests, "A woman is much more romantic and places a much greater emphasis on romance than the man. She associates love with the dashing knight on a white horse who is going to carry her off to live happily ever after. A man wants a buddy-someone he can go places with and do things with, someone he can talk to and share his highs and lows." Regardless of whether we accept the results of Adam's long and intensive survey, we must recognize that much of the tension in marriage comes because husbands and wives look at marriage and life from different viewpoints. Dr. Richard D. Dobbins says, "Women demonstrate more social intelligence, while men are more pugnacious. Women are more adaptable to new situations, but men feel a greater urgency to succeed. In some ways men have more freedom than women. But, in other ways, women have more freedom than men. They are freer to express emotions and even feelings of warmth toward the same sex." Marriage is learning the differences between mates and thereby stretching beyond self.