Beautifully Broken- A Study For Special Needs ParentsSample

Grieving What Could Have Been.





Broken expectations can be the cause of so much of our pain. As the parent of a  special needs child, you might have had to say goodbye to many different things on your journey, things you never would have imagined you'd lose. You might have said goodbye to a clean house, socialization, and spontaneity with your spouse. You might have even said goodbye to financial stability, dreams, friends, church, or possibly even your healthy marriage. I've said "adios" to several of those myself and those losses are never easy. 





There is nothing wrong with grieving the losses in your life while simultaneously embracing the joys in your journey. Grief is not a race to be won. It's a marathon of obstacles unique to you and your situation. People in the Bible experienced great grief as well. They were lost and confused, hurting and feeling alone. But God can and will use our grief in a powerful way to draw us closer to Him,  just like we witness in the stories of God's people in the scriptures.





Through the histories of Naomi, David, and Job, we can see the cycle of grief play out in their lives. We witness the depths of deepest despair, depression, and anger, but we also get to witness the highs of joy and the hope found on the other side of their trials. We have the privilege of seeing how God used their stories and brought beauty from brokenness.  But remember, they couldn't see the ending while in the midst of it. They had to move through their pain with each passing day bringing grief and uncertainty just like we do. Their stories had beauty in them in spite of the struggles, and yours does too. Things don't always turn out how we plan them, but they will turn out how God plans them. And that is where the beauty comes in. 





As you live day to day, caring for a special needs child, it's okay to grieve the losses, what could have been or what was. Those losses are painful and real. Allow yourself grace and time to grieve. God knows you can't see the whole  picture. He knows you need time and space to adjust to your new normal. There is no time frame for finishing the grieving process. Grief is a tricky thing. You may feel you've moved on and when you least expect it, grief will rear it's ugly head, tearing your heart wide open on what you thought was a long ago healed wound. It can be frustrating to revisit feelings you had long since healed or buried. May we be like Job and say, "Though he slay me, yet will I hope in Him."





God gave us tears to mourn in our pain. We cry because we hurt. We grieve  because we're sad. Jesus wept in John 11:35. He met his heartache head on. He embraced the sadness. He moved through his sorrow despite the pain. Sometimes God takes us through heartache to help us let go of things that were never ours to hold onto. Those plans we had lovingly  made and worked so hard for? It's ok to grieve the loss of them and  mourn what could have been while keeping a faith filled perspective that God has a different path we need to take.

Reflection:

Can you see how the grief cycle has played out in your journey as a special needs parent?

Do you notice that you and your spouse may grieve very differently?