4 Habits Of A Joy-Filled Marriage - A 6-Day Devotional Sample

Habit 3:

Appreciate Daily 

Too often when we read the Word of God, we apply it to other people. If we begin to apply God’s Word to ourselves, our minds can be renewed while our relationships become refreshed as we begin to understand God’s heart for us. When Paul writes to the Thessalonians to “encourage one another and build one another up” (ESV), shouldn’t that apply to cmarried couples? One helpful exercise is to go through the New Testament and replace every “one another” with “my spouse.” The Word of God will come to life. As Philippians 4 tells us, we should think about the good stuff and this will impact our feelings, focus and interactions. God made our brains to run on joy and one of the fuel sources of joy is appreciation.

Not long after learning about the power of joy, a couple asked to meet with me about some issues in their marriage. I decided to try an experiment. After listening to their story and validating the emotions I was hearing, I asked them to take a moment and think about what they appreciated most about the other person. Specifically, I asked, “When you were first attracted to this person, what did you most admire or respect about them?” I then had them pivot toward each other, hold hands, make eye contact, and share their feelings of appreciation. There was just one rule when sharing appreciation: they couldn’t use the word “but.” They couldn’t say, “I really admire the way you love our kids, but I wish you wouldn’t . . .” Adding a “but” to the expression of appreciation pulls the rug out from under it.

With this ground rule in place, they did the exercise, and the results were shocking. They went from barely looking at each other, sitting on opposite sides of the room, to snuggling so close I had to tell them not to start kissing. Shared joy can be a powerful thing, and appreciation is one of the most powerful habits you can form for building joy.

Food and Joy  15 MIN

During your wedding reception, you probably fed your new spouse a piece of cake. Some of you were feisty and smeared it on your beloved’s face. Either way, wide smiles surely donned your faces. This exercise focuses on the feeding part of the fun—not so much the smearing! Meals are one of the best times to build joy. Eating together provides a golden opportunity to share the gift of your attention and connect with your mate. We now turn our sights to using this wonderful food and joy combination to spark smiles.

1. Start by sharing a few highlights from your day. This warms up your brain’s relational circuits.  3 MIN

2. Take turns feeding each other a meal, snack, or dessert. Yes, this may feel awkward, but have fun and laugh. While you feed each other, express what you enjoy about each other, including how you feel your spouse “feeds you” spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and relationally.  8 MIN

3. Once you finish this interaction, talk about what you noticed from the experience.  2 MIN

4. Close with quiet cuddling and resting together. 2 MIN