Connecting During DeploymentSample

The ‘Sandwich Approach’

My husband and I were asked recently for instruction to pass along to military couples separated by deployment. The topic: sexual intimacy!

The advice we offered, along with some resource recommendations, can be pictured as a “sandwich approach.” Two important truths to start and finish the discussion, and five common lies to address in between.

Truth #1: God’s design for marriage is a call to oneness, as stated in Genesis 2:24. The tendency is to look at oneness as only a physical act. But God wants more—an emotional and spiritual oneness which can only come from an intimate commitment to love and to serve each other through a lifetime of better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health. Christian couples can grow into that level of intimacy during deployment as they intentionally communicate at a deep level.

Here are the five lies in the middle of this “sandwich”:

• “If my spouse doesn’t ‘get it’ from me, they will get it from someone else.” Marriage vows include the promise to be faithful to one another, even while deployed. Especially while deployed. So adultery is a breach of that covenant promise which will always lead to a loss of trust—among other problems.
• “If you don’t use it, you will lose it.” Just not true.
• “Pornography won’t hurt anybody.” Pornography is a curse that always brings tragic outcomes to a relationship (Psalm 119:37; Matthew 5:27-28).
• “I can hang out with others of the opposite sex . . . they’re just friends.” It might start out as “friendship,” but can take on more of a relationship than you ever wanted or expected.
• “It won’t happen to me.” Guard your mind, heart, and body . . . Satan is the enemy who wants to ruin your marriage and reputation (1 Peter 5:8; John 10:10).

Truth #2: A couple can prepare for deployment, guard their minds and hearts during deployment, and reintegrate with anticipation, patience, and joy. But only through the power of the Holy Spirit. Look at the time apart as an opportunity to grow together, even while you are separated by thousands of miles.

God created sex to be a beautiful gift shared between a husband and wife. We encourage you to remain pure, faithful, and God-honoring throughout the challenge of a military deployment.

1. Which of the two truths would encourage your marriage right now?

2. Pray for each other to escape the lies of Satan regarding temptations during deployment.

Learn more about how you can revitalize the romance in your marriage. Read “Those Little Foxes that Rob Marriage of Romance.”