Marriage That WorksSample

Understanding Submission for a Man

When we look at a picture of what a real man is, we see that genuine masculinity, as defined by God, does something life-changing in the people around us. It powerfully affects a man’s wife, his children, and his friends. They become better people just by being with him. And it’s never too late to become that kind of man. 

Redefining manhood in marriage and in the home always begins with mutual submission. That’s the umbrella concept covering the entire Ephesians 5 passage about relationships. Before Paul talks about the mystery of marriage and the roles of husbands and wives, he gives an instruction that precedes every other detail: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). 

This is really important. It provides the context for statements that trip people up when they read them in isolation. The passages that follow Ephesians 5:21 explain roles not only for husbands and wives but also for parents and children and masters and servants (which we often apply today to the workplace). The overarching attitude must be a sense of walking with God and putting other people first. 

That alone should defuse a lot of the controversy surrounding the masculine and feminine roles Scripture describes for marriage. There are roles, but they are secondary to the context of mutual submission in the relationship. 

The most important question, then, is not about who does what but about what mutual submission actually looks like. What does it really mean? 

In the original Greek, the word “submit” that is used in this verse is hupotasso, and it is often used in a military context. It is a compound word: hupo meaning “under” and tasso meaning “to be in order or rank.” It is the opposite of self-assertion. It urges subjection or submission to one another. Another way to think of it is a mutual desire to get less than one’s due. 

When both partners are engaging in mutual submission, it becomes a contest to see who can outdo the other in love and good works. Think about what that means. What would it look like to be in a relationship with your mate in which, rather than each of you trying to get your way, each of you make it a goal to get less than your due in order to serve the other’s interests? That’s a different way to approach marriage than most people experience. 

How has your definition and understanding of submission expanded after reading today’s devotional?