I remember the night that I literally gave up. I had been doing so much better with the depression and with my wrecked life. I assumed I was okay, but I was not. That night, I lost the desire to fight. Curling down into a fetal position, I felt the darkness sinking in. Tears spilled over each eyelid and fiercely rolled down my cheeks and onto my neck. I felt a tightness in my chest, like something heavy was pressing against it. “It’s too much,” I thought to myself. “It’s too much.” It seemed as if I was no longer breathing, and why should I try? It was better this way. Someone would find me in the morning. I would die a natural death, depressed and alone.
In the lowest of times and in the worst of times, somewhere on your journey, you might feel as if there is no way out. Depression might take over and thoughts might try to trick you into thinking that everyone will be better off without you. But as God’s child, you have an advocate who will fight for you, who will provide a way out. For me, my 15-year-old son came home early from a ballgame because he felt like he was supposed to. God was looking out for me, and he did it through my son. Seeing me helpless and almost breathless in the chair, he immediately began praising God for my deliverance. I remember his screaming, “Devil! You will not take my mama. She will live and not die.” God sent him home early to sing praises and to rescue his mama.
Sometimes on your journey, you may experience the lowest of the lows. That’s when you have to “get it” that life is sometimes just hard. I remember the times when things were going okay, and then something unexpected would happen. That’s life, though. Maybe you lost a loved one and you don’t understand why. Maybe you lost your dream job, or your dream home, and you don’t understand why. Maybe the depression is getting worse instead of better, and you don’t understand why. Maybe your best friend of 30 years turned out NOT to be your best friend after all, and the pain seems unbearable. And to make it worse, you don’t understand why.
Through it all, God will give you the strength to keep going. You can’t give up because that’s just not the way you are supposed to roll. You must be persistent and be obedient in your pursuit of fulfilling your purpose. This is your life that you are fighting for. Your destiny will affect many other people as well. Expect your deliverance. Expect your sudden rescue. It is on the way. You must make up your mind that no matter what, you will reach your destiny. You will have everything that God has for you. Find scriptures to back it up. Read the word and say it out loud. Renew your mind and spirit with the Word of God, even if it seems to be doing no good.
Giving up? That’s just not the way you roll. The problem may be big, but your God is bigger. Meditate on the Word, even if you don’t feel like it. Constantly praise Him for your progress, even if you don’t really see it just yet. You are walking by faith. Turn to prayer and turn to scripture. Allow God to keep his promises to you.