Someone once said insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. If right, that means the approach many spouses take toward overcoming their language barrier is downright crazy. They double down on their own love language, trying over and over again to break through to their spouse in the only way they know. In other words, they work harder instead of smarter. They put the onus on their spouse to translate their actions into a language the spouse can understand.
It doesn’t matter that your heart is in the right place, or that you’re trying as hard as you possibly can, or that other women would feel lucky to have a husband like you. You will not be able to fill your wife’s love tank without using her primary love language.
The way to build a thriving, exciting, unpredictable, awe-inspiring, life-changing relationship with your wife is to master her primary love language, to embrace the challenge of becoming bilingual. The good news is that the process isn’t nearly as challenging as learning an actual language. You don’t have to worry about conjugating verbs or using the proper tense.
The challenge of becoming fluent in another love language might be better compared to perfecting a golf swing. If you’ve ever taken lessons from a pro, you know the first step is to “unlearn” all the bad habits you’ve developed over the years. In many cases, that involves starting from scratch. The process is awkward at first. Things just don’t feel right. They feel unnatural. Little by little, though, that starts to change. With enough repetition, you start to see positive results.
The same goes for learning a new love language. If you’re an Acts of Service guy, you’re probably not going to feel comfortable giving Quality Time to your wife. Not at first, at least. Your initial efforts likely will feel unnatural and forced.
But with the right attitude—and with the tips and strategies outlined in the pages that follow—you will master a second love language. You will fill your wife’s love tank and keep it topped off. You will make her feel uniquely and spectacularly loved. You will experience what it’s like to be on the top of your game, not just as a loving husband to your wife, but also as a role model—to your children; to other young people who don’t see that kind of behavior modeled in their own families; to other husbands who are looking for answers.
To become bilingual in the languages of love is to make a difference in other people’s lives.