When we men relent and finally accept that we’re designed for community with other men, we nearly always start with the wrong criteria for choosing which men. We often plot and single out guys that are cool or rich or connected or well-educated or who’d be good to know from a work perspective. And, if we don’t fall into those traps, we choose guys that are just a lot like us. We each think, subconsciously almost, “If I’ve got to devote myself to a handful of other men, I’m going to make sure they have some strategic value to me—worldly value, to my career or to my social standing—or, at the very least, they’re men who won’t challenge me or make me uncomfortable.”
Such plotting is a mistake. It’s driven by pride—that we somehow know better than God how these communities should come together. We must instead follow the blueprint given us by our King, Jesus Christ. He never once used this “strategic value” analysis. Throughout the Gospel, he spent time with people whom God the Father wanted him to—people with whom it made no sense to spend time, from a worldly perspective. Adopting this blueprint, the Apostle Paul wrote: “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight” (Romans 12:16).
Pray that God brings the right men. Allow him to connect you to men who are willing to commit and surrender, willing to be transparent, are desperate for him. Be forewarned, though, the group that comes together will probably look nothing like what you expect . . . and that’s good. Groups we create ourselves, based on worldly criteria, aren’t worth our time. Groups that God creates for us are worth everything.