Developing Emotionally Mature Leaders By Aubrey MalphursSample

Day Six

Exploring the Past for the Sake of the Future

Scripture: Psalm 139

It’s important to explore your past as you work toward becoming an emotionally mature person. Why explore the past? Your past deeply impacts and has everything to do with the present. Your childhood years were formative emotionally as well as physically. Your family has had more impact on your life than any other group with which you’ve been connected.

I suppose that it’s possible that a person might go through life relatively unscathed, but I believe that this is a rare experience. You would be wise to simply assume that you’ve been emotionally scarred by your past and go from there.

Our past affects most areas of our lives. For example, boys get their sense of masculinity and what it means to be a man from their fathers. If a man’s dad was emotionally distant, there’s a good chance that the man will be the same and display the same emotional distance as a husband and father. 

Psychologists tell us that we get our view of our heavenly Father from our earthly fathers. So as we explore our relationship with our father, we get a better picture of how we view God. I’ve noted that a number of ministry leaders carry a lot of anger for their fathers that often translates into anger toward God. 

Don’t get in a hurry. You will need to give yourself plenty of time as you explore your past, especially if you’ve been ignoring much of it. This was true for me. Growing up, I had bought into the view that experiencing and addressing one’s emotions was a sign of weakness — the “real men don’t cry” mentality. As an adult, I had ignored my emotions for so long that I had trouble recognizing them.

Keep in mind that as you explore the past, you may attempt to hide or “stuff” painful experiences of your past — to sweep them under your emotional carpet. To discover, rehearse, and to some degree relive harmful past experiences can be very painful, so you may find yourself ignoring them. Instead, you must push through the pain. This is the only way to find true healing and become emotionally mature.

What emotional scars do you carry over from your childhood? What has happened in the past that might “trigger” certain potentially negative emotions today?