Messy Beautiful Friendship By Christine HooverSample

Day Six

Beating the Comparison Game

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:16-17

We all harbor insecurities—about our worth, about whether or not we’re accepted or “chosen” by others. Comparison breeds fearful isolation or eager validation-seeking, neither of which are ingredients for flourishing friendships.

When our expectations are met, all is well. But when they’re unmet? We feel dejected, rejected, unloved, frustrated, and deeply disappointed. 

We unleash our harsh inner dialogue, taking off any restraint that keeps our thoughts grounded in truth, leading us to think critical thoughts of ourselves and of others. 

We privately crave the attention of certain women we admire. We use them to get what we want, perhaps a position or status that will get us where we want to be socially. 

We make assumptions about other women based upon their outward appearance, often categorizing them by how they’re different from us. 

We worry that we’ll mess up or lose the friendships we do have, causing us to cling tightly to the gifts rather than the gift-giver. 

All of these thoughts betray our desires. For security. Validation. Love. Acceptance. Assurance. 

For self. 

God asks us to lay all that weight of need on him, because laying it on others hurts them and hurts us. He asks us to view one another through a different lens. We’re to regard other women as fellow new creations. We have the same need (redemption of sin) and the same rescuer (the blood of Jesus), and we serve the same Master. 

As we rally around Christ, we look to one another not for the things only Christ can give but for gifts of edification and sharpening sanctification. The differences we see in others can be beautiful gifts to us. The spiritual gift of a friend that we don’t ourselves possess can be a blessing to us when we’re in need of that specific ministry.

If we will let each individual stand alone as a beautiful new creation of Christ and not lump them together according to secondary identities, we will have an opportunity to worship God instead of comparing and envying other women. It’s only in taking this biblical perspective that we can have the true unity and deeper community we hope for. Only then can we be a godly friend to others. 

When are you most likely to compare yourself to other women? In what way is this dangerous to your friendships?