How Can You Improve Your Marriage? 10 Marriages in the Bibleಮಾದರಿ

Adam and Eve

Scripture References:

- Genesis 2

- Genesis 3

My husband and I are very different. We like different music, we relax in different ways, and even the things that bring us joy are different. Sometimes this difference is perceived as a problem—we want to have more in common.

But from the very beginning, God created man and woman to be different. They not only look and think differently, but they also have different roles. And this difference is not a curse but a blessing. It is God's design.

Although sometimes men find it easier to understand each other, and women do too, God intended for the very differences between husband and wife to enrich their relationship.

The man was tasked with tending the ground and caring for the garden. He was also the one who received God's command regarding the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The woman was created as a helper. This is not a demeaning role—God Himself is referred to in the same way in Scripture as the "Helper." True blessing lies not in sameness but in unity.

Imagine: an ideal marriage in an ideal place with an ideal God. That was the picture in Eden. And that is what every soul dreams of. But sin destroyed not only the world but also relationships.

When it was necessary to remind them of God's law, Adam remained silent. Eve took the initiative—she wanted to "improve" the situation, to do something more... not only for herself but for her husband as well. A very typical, albeit once ideal, woman.

I recall a humorous yet very relatable joke:

— A groom looks at his bride and thinks, "She will never change."

— And the bride looks at him and thinks, "I will change him."

In the end, both believe a lie. Because the woman will change—but the man… almost never. 😊

After the fall, not only did their relationship with God change—they became afraid and began to hide. Their relationship with each other also changed: shame came, and they covered themselves.

When the Lord addressed Adam, He did not hear an admission of guilt in response. Instead, Adam began to blame, first God ("the woman whom You gave me"), then Eve herself, and only at the end admitted that he ate the fruit.

If he had acknowledged everything in reverse order: "I ate the fruit that the woman whom You gave me gave to me," that would have been a step toward repentance.

Eve also shifted the blame—onto the serpent. As a result, they lost paradise. Since then, the way back to Eden has been guarded by cherubim and a flaming sword.

Thousands of years have passed, but we have changed little in how we respond to problems in relationships. We have inherited an amazing ability—to shift blame: onto the husband, the wife, circumstances, or even a "third party"—the serpent.

But instead, it is better to stop and acknowledge our sins, our guilt, our mistakes.

When my husband and I were preparing for marriage, we agreed to ask for forgiveness not for trivial formalities and not with excuses, but sincerely, for what was truly on our hearts:

"I'm sorry, I put my interests above yours."

"I'm sorry, I was insensitive and sought my own."

One of the most important skills in marriage is to ask for forgiveness—from God and from one another. Forgiveness heals, gently closes wounds, and builds trust.

The example of Adam and Eve reminds me that marriage is not just a relationship between me and my husband. It is always a covenant among three: me, my husband, and the Lord. God is present in everything—in our conflicts, conversations, decisions, and even in our rest. He is the just Judge who knows exactly who is to blame and for what.

And He did not leave Adam and Eve in their exile. He walked with them to eventually bring us back to Himself.

Lord, help us see You in our marriage. You are present in it even when we argue, fail to accept one another, or shift blame. You know exactly who is at fault and for what. And I do not need to play the role of a judge. Teach us to accept our differences as a blessing. Teach us to repent before You and to show the forgiveness that You generously give us in Christ.

You can read more reflections in the book "My Imperfect Marriage."

Questions for Reflection

1. In what ways are my husband/wife and I different? Do we perceive this difference as a blessing or a burden?
2. How do we complement each other?
3. How do we handle acknowledgment of guilt and forgiveness in our relationship?
   
   You can read more reflections in the book "My Imperfect Marriage."