How Can You Improve Your Marriage? 10 Marriages in the Bibleಮಾದರಿ

Jacob and Rachel

Verses for Reflection:

- Genesis 29

- Genesis 33

Yesterday, I had a serious argument with my husband. What’s more painful is that I had prayed for a long time beforehand, asking God for wisdom to speak rightly and help him. But in the end—it didn't work out. The irony of fate: just this week, I finished working on a biblical plan titled “When It Boils Inside.” A plan that has already been followed by thousands of people. And here I am—the author of this plan—boiling inside due to my husband.

My anger overflowed. I raised my voice, allowed myself unnecessary comparisons, used hurtful words—and instead of helping, I only made the situation worse.

In the morning, my husband said he believed yesterday's argument was 80% my fault. And I agree. Yes, I lost it. I acknowledged my fault, apologized, got in the car, and went with him to another meeting—to “help.” But inside, I was left with the question: why couldn't I hold back? I prayed. I prepared. Why did emotions take over again?

Jacob and Rachel had a marriage filled with turbulence. Their relationship was complicated from the start. A wedding marked by deception, the rivalry between Leah and Rachel, competition for love and children. It all reached absurdity—Rachel gives Leah a night with Jacob in exchange for mandrakes. How humiliating it must have been for Jacob to feel like an object of exchange. And ultimately, the emotional explosion:

“Give me children, or I shall die!” Rachel cries.

“Am I in the place of God?” Jacob replies.

This is what a heart captivated by epithumia looks like—a strong, untamed desire that Jacob mentions in his letter. Such desires destroy relationships. They make us demand from others what should only come from God. And it was such a desire that drove me in my argument with my husband. I wanted him to acknowledge his wrongdoing. But I did this not with humility before God, but with anger, pressure, and demands.

Rachel should have said, “Lord, give me a child.” She could have asked Jacob to pray, as Isaac or Abraham did. But instead of humility—there was a demand. Instead of prayer—emotional manipulation.

Today, it is fashionable to talk about “my legitimate needs”:

- “I need love.”

- “I need respect.”

- “You owe me this.”

But the Bible teaches differently. It does not diminish our pain or desires but reminds us that only God is the source of all good. He is our spiritual bread. Everything else is a blessing, but not the foundation. Sometimes we receive what we desire—and that is a time for gratitude. And sometimes—God withholds even what is necessary. And that is a trial. How do we react: with trust in God? Or with pressure on others?

“Epithumia” must be subdued. I need to say:

“Lord, I want to help my husband; I want him to hear me. But more than that, I want You to subdue my heart. I ask for gentleness. I ask to be in the spirit of Your grace, even if he does not change. Your will be done. I trust in You.”

Questions for Reflection:

1. What do I often conflict about?

2. What strong, untamed desire governs my heart in relationships?

3. What does humility mean for me in this area?

4. What does trust in God look like in the moment when I do not receive what I desire?