How Can You Improve Your Marriage? 10 Marriages in the Bibleಮಾದರಿ

Abraham and Hagar

Verses for Reflection:

- Genesis 16

- Genesis 21

Recently, I met with a friend who got divorced after more than ten years of marriage. Her heart still hurts—not only from the loss but also from the realization that the relationship was built incorrectly from the very beginning. Now she has started new ones, but with a different purpose—to get even. She says, “Now let him love me, and I will live for myself. I will be demanding, manipulative, and use others.”

This story is similar to the marriage of Abraham and Hagar. Yes, at first glance, it even seems strange to call it a marriage. But Scripture does so. In those times, it was acceptable to have multiple wives—if you could provide for them. Hagar was a poor Egyptian slave. But she had one "advantage:" she could conceive. This was something Sarah could not do.

For Hagar, this connection elevated her status: she was no longer just a servant but the one who bore a descendant for the patriarch. For Abraham, it was a chance to have a child. According to the laws of that time, the son of a slave could become the heir. Perhaps this is how God’s plan looks?—they thought.

But this marriage was built from the very beginning not on trust in God, but on human manipulation. And that is why it quickly began to fall apart. Hagar despised Sarah. Sarah harassed Hagar. Abraham removed himself from the situation.

You may know of similar marriages. Relationships where everything was built crookedly from the start. Where, instead of love, there is convenience. Where promises are forgotten or never spoken at all. Such marriages last as long as it is convenient. And when the benefit disappears—one side discards the other. That is exactly what Abraham said to Sarah: “Do with her as you please.” And Hagar flees into the desert—humiliated, despised, with a child, without hope.

But it is there, in the desert, that the Angel of the Lord finds her. And the first thing He does is call her by name. He says, “The Lord sees you.” He knows what she has gone through. And He has a plan for her. Not a romantic one. Not a fairy tale. But a real, saving one.

This happens today as well. A marriage that should be a safe place becomes a place of betrayal, pain, and rejection. You have been used—and discarded. Or you have become the one who despises, compares, and feels pride—like Hagar.

Perhaps you have already passed the point where everything could have been easily fixed. And now—it’s just desert. But even there, God sees you. He sees your tears. He sees the sin done against you—and your own. And He says, “I am with you. I have a plan for you.”

Maybe it won’t be the marriage of your dreams. But the Gospel reminds us: this life is not the end of the story. It is only the beginning. The One who met Hagar in the desert is still seeking those who are wounded in relationships.

Remember why you got married. What promises did you make to each other? Perhaps the goals have shifted? Perhaps you have lost sight of God’s purpose?

Marriage is not just a convenient partnership. It is a holy covenant in which a man and a woman are called to reflect God’s faithfulness, sacrificial love, and grace. It is a space where we grow, make mistakes, and learn to forgive—just as Christ does with us.

You can read more reflections in the book "My Imperfect Marriage."

Questions for Reflection:

1. In what ways do you misunderstand the purposes of marriage?

2. Where in your heart does pride or comparison reside?

3. With what words, actions, or silence are you destroying relationships?

4. What is God calling you to change today?