How Can You Improve Your Marriage? 10 Marriages in the Bibleಮಾದರಿ

Abraham and Sarah: When One Lives at the Expense of the Other

Verses for Reflection:

- Genesis 12, especially verse 13

- Genesis 20

Abraham and Sarah are a couple who, at first glance, seem very distant from us. Their story feels like it comes from another world, another culture, and another era. But this is only at first glance.

This couple is known as the patriarchs, the ancestors of Israel. However, not only that— from their home also came the nation of Ishmael. We know that Sarah went with Abraham into the unknown, leaving Haran, entering into a covenant with God alongside him. God's promise was simple: land, descendants, blessing. But for most of their lives, they could only believe, for they never received the promised land, and they waited far too long for descendants. Yet, through faith, they saw God's goodness in this.

But today, we will look at their marriage from a different perspective.

Abraham endangered Sarah twice to preserve his own comfort and safety. The first time was in Egypt, the second in Gerar, before King Abimelech. He literally handed Sarah over to the harem, saying that she was his sister. His motivation was simple: "So that it may go well with me because of you" (Gen. 12:13).

Isn't this familiar to many couples? Isn't there a temptation to live at the expense of the other—comfortably settled in the shadow of their decisions, sacrifices, status, or care?

Sarah was an incredibly beautiful woman—a true "Miss Universe" of her time. And Abraham was well settled in Egypt: he had influence, wealth, and power.

I can't imagine how Sarah felt—an alien in a harem, surrounded by strange women, experiencing humiliation. She might have cried, feared, prayed, and waited for Abraham to come to his senses, to risk his life, and save her.

I would probably have been scared and angry: "How can my husband live well at my expense? What about me?"

In marriage, we often expect a "fair exchange:" 50/50. Even better—I give 49%, and I receive 51% in return. But in this story, we see something entirely different: Sarah sacrifices 100%, while Abraham enjoys the benefits.

This happens more often than we are willing to admit. We manipulate, remain silent, pressure—living at the expense of the other. And everything seems "fine"… at least for one.

But here God intervenes in the marriage. This is an important reminder: no relationship belongs to us—they are God's.

It is God who defended Sarah—instead of Abraham. And this is my comfort: when my husband or wife treats me selfishly, there is a Righteous Judge who sees everything and protects.

Sarah was saved. Abraham was shamed but not punished, for God is merciful. Yet this story repeats itself. Abraham, didn't you learn anything in Egypt?

Sarah, couldn't you have said: "Let us trust the Lord, His protection?"

In marriage, it can happen that one acts wrongly while the other remains silent—out of fear. And then the relationship goes in circles. Breaking that cycle requires courage. I pray that God gives you the strength to say a firm "no" to those requests and decisions that do not honor Him. This can be the first step towards deeper trust in God in marriage.

Living for oneself will ultimately bring shame, and such a person will not receive reward and blessing from God. So where are you seeking to gain for yourself: attention, love, respect, and comfort? Consider living for Christ in this area, losing yourself for His sake.

"Lord, help us in our marriage to give more than we expect in return, not to live at each other's expense, but rather to live for You. Help us to have the courage in areas where we are afraid to say 'no.'"

You can read more reflections in the book "My Imperfect Marriage."

Questions for Reflection:

1. In what ways is our marriage similar to the marriage of Abraham and Sarah?

2. Where do I act selfishly and try to live at the expense of my husband/wife?

3. Where do I need to trust God's protection again in our marriage?