1. Salvation and transformation include attachment to God’s hesed love.
• One Hebrew word for God’s love is hesed which refers to the “sticky love” that is glued to us, bonded and stays attached regardless of how we act. Hesed is permanent. Goodness and mercy (hesed) pursue me all the days of my life.” Psalm 23:7 Hesed is the kind of strong attachment to others that "no matter what they do we still want to be with them. The Apostle Paul uses the Greek word “agape” to translate and describe hesed.
• We are most profoundly shaped by who loves us and who we love. Western Christianity has long taught that we are changed by what we believe and what we choose. Neuroscience tells us that in the human brain, identity and character are formed by who we love and who loves us.

2. Transformation happens in the context of relationships with hesed attachment love.
The elements of spiritual life need attachment love to transform us into the character of Jesus. The spiritual formation activities of prayer, worship, spiritual disciplines, and Bible study are like ingredients of a cake batter. When we place the cake batter into the oven of attachment love it transforms all these activities into character-building relationships.

3. Understanding attachment pain helps us understand the strength of attachment love.
• Neuroscience teaches that the brain makes exclusive attachments. Level one (thalamus) of our brain is the “attachment center.” This place in our brain is like a parking garage. It assigns spaces to those who share our hearts. Once someone gets their name painted in a reserved space no one can ever take this spot when the person is missing in that space. We experience attachment pain when the space in our heart occupied by someone we love is empty. We can experience the attachment pain with the loss in ruptured relationships where someone pulls away or when a loved one goes on a trip or has checked out on us and is emotionally distant and disconnected. This pain is so deep that we can’t consciously control it. We can only recognize it indirectly when we learn to notice its symptoms. Unfortunately, there is no true relief. No one can ever fill this spot! Except for Jesus! The brain has no mechanism for resolving attachment pain. Jesus is truly the only person who can slide into any parking space! After interacting with Jesus about the pain the attachment center says, “Okay, Jesus, you may park there.”
• We understand attachment love by identifying the presence of attachment pain--the worst pain of all--and how big it is. We feel attachment pain when someone with whom we trusted our hearts and hurts is missing, stops wanting to be with us, has died, betrayed us, is unfaithful, has moved away. Immanuel never abandons us, always sees our attachment pain, knows and how big it is, is always with us and always glad to be with us. Jesus’ attachment love is stronger than our fears and shame for being weak or feeling alone, always tender towards our weakness and wants to be with us and help us.

5. Increasing hesed attachment love requires a community of God’s people with whom we belong. For at one time you were not God’s people, but now you are. At one time you knew nothing of God’s mercy, because you hadn’t received it yet, but now you are drenched with it! I Peter 2:10 The Passion Translation
• To be our people we share joys and sufferings with one another. Learning someone is my people has to do with attachment love. My people have the right tell me who I am. The brain develops a group identity—my people— at age twelve. Before age twelve we are developing our individual identity. After age 12 my people’s survival is more important than my individual survival. We are the kind of people who show love described in Romans 12

6. The best indicator of growing hesed is the increasing love for our enemies. Jesus teaches, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. Luke 6:27-28. Our brain easily makes enemies out of the people around us when we are hurt or afraid. A sign of a healthy attachment hesed love is whether you hurt me or not I am in your life. In order to give hesed love to an enemy we need to know the signs when relational circuits in my brain are turned off.
When I am in a non-relational mode-enemy mode
I feel alone—you are not on my side right now.
I don’t feel connected to others. I don’t have any interest in being connected.
I don’t want to listen to what others feel or say.
My mind is “locked onto” something upsetting.
I just want to get away, fight, or freeze
The other person is the problem, not me. I want to justify myself.
When I am in a relational mode
I feel connected to others and open to sharing your pain.
You are glad to be with and I feel joy being with you.
I perceive others as unique relational beings.
I feel compassionate concern for what you are thinking and feeling
I include you as “my people”.

7. Skills, habits and practices which enable me to build attachment love and stay in a “relational mode”. Keeping relational is how we stay connected to God.
(1) We build joy with someone who is delighted to be with us. Just interacting with you lights up my life, my smile. God always delights in us. Dr. Alan Shore, known as the Einstein of psychiatry and brain science was asked, “What is the greatest human need?” He answered, “To be a sparkle in someone's eyes.” Attachment love, experienced on a cortical level, is produced through relational joy. The brain science of Dr. Allan Schore at UCLA reveals that relational joy—to be delighted in by a significant other—is the deepest and most profound force in the human brain
(2) Jesus invites us, “Come to me and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 Practice quieting (soothing) and rest which recharges us for more joy. Quieting—experiencing peace (shalom) after both joyful and upsetting emotions is the strongest predictor for life-long mental health.
(3) Develop the habit of appreciation— noticing how I feel during appreciation moments. Healthy minds are full of appreciation. Appreciation creates belonging and changes stress to contentment. Relationships are memory mapped.
(4) Enjoy eating with others—-who feeds us is the biggest factor in attachment. We attach to the source of life—the one who feeds us. Attaching to Jesus means He is the one who feeds us and gives us drink—the source of life.
(5) We build attachment love when we see others as special and mine.“Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord.” Genesis 6:8 God is saying, “When I saw Noah I saw someone special.” God sees everyone as someone special. God keeps finding specialness in me. We experience grace when God see us as special, not because of anything we do to earn it. Grace is God’s unmerited favor. We are God’s favorites—special.
6) Attachment love grows when we share both positive and unpleasant feelings.