Victory Church
Unoffendable: Breaking Free of Offense
Locations & Times
  • Victory Church Raleigh
    2825 S Wilmington St, Raleigh, NC 27603, USA
    Sunday 9:00 AM, Sunday 11:00 AM


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There are many things in life that we take offense to: traffic, the clerk at the store, waiting in line at the store, someone jumping the line in front of you, not being acknowledged, the government, the news, drivers on the road, someone looking at you, someone talking to you, your boss, your friends, your church, your pastor, we can even become offended at God.

Offense, offenses, offend, offended and offender appears, from what I have been able to find, at least 213 times in scripture.

In Matthew 24: 10;12;13 AMP Jesus is talking and says that in the end, before He comes back, 12: Many will be offended and repelled and will begin to distrust and desert [Him Whom they ought to trust and obey] and will stumble and fall away and betray one another and pursue one another with hatred.

Offense defined in the Strongs concordance 4625

Scandalon- in Greek, a stick for bait (of a trap), generally a snare, a stumbling block, and offense.
1- skandalon -properly, the trigger of a trap(the mechanism closing a trap down on the unsuspecting victim); (figuratively) an offense, putting a negative cause-and-effect relationship into motion.
2- (the means of stumbling) stresses the method (means) of entrapment, i.e. How someone is caught by their own devices ( like their bias, carnal thinking).

If you're walking down a path or a road, and you see a large rock, what will you do to continue down it? If it's unpassable, the rock is in your way, you will find an alternate way. You will go around it or over it. What about a small rock, like a pebble, how likely are you to see it? What can happen if you don't? You may trip, another word, you may stumble, and sometimes, the stumble will cause you to fall. It is not the most obvious things that make us trip, stumble and or fall. It is oftentimes things that are not so apparent to us.

1. Recognizing 4 common things that can cause offense.

1. People are perfectly imperfect
If you ever meet a “perfect” person, run, it might be the devil or his servants! He’s the one that the Bible tells us appears as an angel of light and his servants are just like him. People are flawed, you and I are flawed and perfectly an imperfect human. This makes us offensive to others and others offensive to us.

2. Offended people, offend people
Every person is carrying baggage, it may not be the physical kind of baggage that your trained eyes can see. This baggage is filled with hurts, disappointments, trauma, various forms of abuse and insecurities. Their realities and perceptions about others are all based on their page in life. When we place ourselves alongside another person, we open ourselves up to their past experiences and essentially open ourselves up to become hurt, in this case there is a distinct possibility that they may offend us and vice versa. When I meet people who are very critical I think that they may have experienced a lot of criticism or have lacked affirmation somewhere in their life, defensive or rude people may have been treated the same way that’s why they are behaving rudely.
Overlook a fault if you can. Overlooking may mean that you put the pause button on and think on what may be causing this person to behave this way. Learn to let it go.

3.Having unmet Expectations and Disappointments
We all have set up standards for people in our lives to act and do certain things in a certain way, in a way that appeases us and when it is not done, we become hurt, frustrated, angered, annoyed, we become offended.

A biblical example of this is John the Baptist, while he was sitting in prison, he perhaps started to think to himself, I have done all of this for what? Haven’t I been a herald for Messiah, didn’t I baptize him? Was it him? It would seem that John gave way to his thoughts, his actions revealed this, he sent out his disciples to go to Jesus.
Eight chapters back in Matthew 3, this is the same John who was saying that he was unworthy to untie the sandals of Jesus, the same John heard the Father’s voice from heaven and saw the dove descend on Jesus, when Jesus came out of the water. John witnessed this, and now, sitting in prison, knowing his life was in the balance, he begins to question, “is this really him?”. Jesus knows all things, His response to the disciples speaks directly to what was happening in John,
4 And Jesus answered them, “Go and tell John what you hear and see: 5 the blind receive their sight and the lame walk, lepers[a] are cleansed and the deaf hear, and the dead are raised up, and the poor have good news preached to them. 6 And blessed is the one who is not offended by me.”In our language,
Jesus is saying,remember the Word and don’t take the bait John!

Many a time we will find that we become offended in a moment when our expectations are not met. If we stop and consider and recall, especially with our loved ones, recall memories that are good and times that they were there for you, if we do this we will diminish the chances of being offended.

4. Lack of the rooted Word in our lives
Offense will cause us to stumble and then fall.

We must take the necessary time to develop the Word of God in our lives. The revelation Word, the Word revealed to our hearts comes not from someone telling you about the Word or reading it to you, it comes from you taking the time to search it out, to study it out, to apply it to your life. The Word is the seed Jesus is talking about, the problem is not a seed problem, it’s a soil problem. We must till the soil, and care for the soil. In a drought if the tree is not rooted, it will wither and dry up, it will collapse. We will collapse and have nothing to stand on if we neglect the necessary time and effort, the discipline of developing the Word in our everyday lives.

2. 4 things we do when we are offended.

1.Withdraw and avoid
We tend to pull away from others when we become offended. We think that this is the best way not to have a confrontation. We avoid them, avoid conversations, go to having very shallow conversations. The NIV says that an unfriendly person, pursues selfish desires. So avoidance is wrong too. Withdrawal is done to protect oneself. In church life, we turn away from the Ministry of helps, quit serving, and we begin to neglect church attendance and neglect our spiritual health. And it will lead to my next point.

2. We become overly sensitive

People that are offended oftentimes have a chip on their shoulders. They become overly sensitive, they are quick to misinterpret something that is said or done in innocence.
3.We become resentful and bitter

2 Sam 13-18 Absalom was one of King David’s sons, the Bible says that he was most handsome. Absalom had a beautiful sister, Tamar. Their half-brother Amnon, took up an infatuation with Tamar. He tricked her, pretending he was sick, and asking for her to come and bring food to him, he overpowered her and raped her. She went back to big brother Absalom and he cared for her, telling her not to say anything, because Amnon was her brother. The Bible says, 2 Sam 13:22, that Absalom, spoke neither good or bad, because he hated Amnon for disgracing his sister. Absalom waited and planned for two years, speaking neither good or bad about his brother, and when the timing was right he murdered his brother. After this Absalom fled from his father, the king, for three years 2 Sam 13:38, David ends up bringing Absalom back to Jerusalem where he stayed for two years not seeing his father, the king 2 Sam 14:28. Within four years more 2 Sam 15:7, Absalom began working on the hearts of the kings people, winning them to himself. He left Jerusalem and began to set himself up an army to fight against his dad. In a span of eleven years, hatred, resentment and bitterness, finally came to a head. It was not dealt with and it defiled Absalom, turning him away from his father, the king, and later cost him his life. A couple of things I want to point out with this example, Absalom withdrew himself. He never confronted the situation with Amnon. He didn’t go to his father to find out why his brother was not brought to justice or to understand his father’s heart.

My guess is that he formed a judgement against his father, the king, that he didn’t do anything, so he must not care, he was weak. He allowed resentment to take root. He had no honor for his father, he went as far as to sleep with his father’s concubines in the sight of the people of Israel 2 Sam 16:22. Absalom’s heart was set on defeating and killing his father! Absalom’s offended heart not only cost him his life, but it cost him his honor. All his looks and gifts could not make up for what he lacked by not guarding himself against offense.

Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men. If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord. Romans 12:17-19 (NASB)

4.We slander and defame others

When we are offended, and we slip in to avoiding those we are offended with, instead of talking to them, we talk about them. We slander them behind their backs saying things that will cause others to carry our offense. These days, we “throw shade” like the younger ones say, using social media, you know, those FaceBook posts where you’re wanting people to ask you about who’s messing with you.Motivation is key to the information you share about others. If it shines a hint of negativity about someone’s character, refrain yourself. Don’t take the bait. Resist the enemy and he will flee from you.
Let me add this, when others are talking badly about someone that you are struggling with and you are silent, you are consenting to what they are saying. Your silence in the situation means agreement.

3. Breaking free and moving forward

The hurts that we experience in life are many times underserved. While hurts and offenses will come, we are responsible for the way that we handle it. God has given us the power of choice.

This ability gives us the right to feel and the right to choose. We have a right to think on what we want, what we do, where we go, what we say, we have the right to even go to hell if that’s what we choose to do. And He loves us so much that He will not force Himself on us, He will allow us to go right on with our rights. But the moment we surrendered our lives to Jesus and gave ourselves over to His Lordship, we made a spiritual declaration that we would live according to the dictates of the spirit and not of the flesh.
Our responsibility is to be students and doers of the Word of God.

1. Pray first

When things happen to us, let’s remember the example that scripture gives to us. Praying first allows any anger, resentment, ill motives to be placed at the feet of God. It allows the Holy Spirit to impart His wisdom and His love for others to us. The more we earnestly pray for others, the more our heart has the capacity to love.
Stephen, an appointed deacon considered to be the first martyr, placed his eyes on the Father and asked for Him to forgive the people who were stoning him.
You see, this is the beginning of getting your heart free, by praying first. It brings compassion for the hurt in others. Remember, hurt people, hurt people. Offended people, offend people. You will never look into the eyes of someone that Christ didn’t give His life for.

2.Forgive and release

We tend to measure our sins, our offenses by our motives and those of others by their actions. We tend to forget that we have been forgiven of so much and seem to see what others do to us as unpardonable/inconceivable. When we do not forgive and hold on to an offense we are saying that we know better, we put ourselves in the place of God. We want justice.

After David sinned, 2 Sam 24:24, he said to God that he would rather fall into the hands of God for His mercies are great, rather than fall into human hands.

Jesus’ answer about forgiveness:
If they are unwilling to re-engage in a relationship with, release it and let it go and be at peace. When you sow in love you will reap in the Spirit. Let go and let God!

Romans 12:18 J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS)18 As far as your responsibility goes, live at peace with everyone.Our aim is to show others the God kind of love, to do what Jesus. He only did what the Father would do and only said things that the Father would say.

Action Points:
1.Pray, Forgive, Release and Lovingly Confront.
2. Don’t let the little things trip you up.
3. Settle things quickly with others.

Self reflection questions:
1- Do I expect others to do and say what I expect them to?
2- Do I have unrealistic expectations of others?
3- Is it true?
4- How much has God forgiven me of?
5- Why has this triggered a reaction in me?
6- Did I have a part to play in this?
7- Does God love this person just as much as He loves me?