MESSAGE TEXT
Song of Solomon 5:9-6:3
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INTRODUCTION
John Gottman famously described four destructive conflict patterns that strongly predict marital breakdown. He called them the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” He could predict if a couple was going to make it just be observing how they fought. They are: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling. Criticism says: “You are the problem.” Contempt says: “You are beneath me.” Defensiveness says: “It’s not my fault.” Stonewalling says: “I’m done talking.”
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With enough unfulfilled expectations, those four horsemen can ride into your home and destroy relationships through attack, disgust, avoidance, and withdrawal. Unmet expectations can lead to some runaway horses. Criticism attacks character. Contempt attacks worth. Defensiveness avoids responsibility. Stonewalling avoids connection.
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DOMINANT IMAGE
In Song of Solomon 5:2–8, the couple experiences distance and hesitation, but something has shifted in her. What shifted? What changed? She went from “fighting with” to “fighting for”. SoS 5:9-6:3 is her stake in the ground. She’s going to close the gate to the Four Apocalyptic Marital Horseman. They will not be allowed to ride into her marriage. The Four Horsemen of relational collapse will not ride through this home. Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling will find no stable in their marriage.
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PROPOSITION
In the Song of Solomon 5:9-6:3, there are FOUR WAYS to guard the gate of your marriage when expectations go unmet. Every disappointment opens a gate, and Song of Solomon 5:9–6:3 shows us four ways to guard the gate of our marriages when expectations go unmet.
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MAIN POINTS
Respectful instead of Contemptible (5:9)
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Affirming instead of Critical (5:10-16)
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Engageable instead of Stonewalling (6:1-2)
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Responsible instead of Defensive (6:3)
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Summation: Fight for rather than fight with.
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CONCLUSION
As Mrs. Solomon tries to convince everyone of the beauty and handsomeness of Solomon, I want to convince you of the beauty of Jesus.
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I love Him in His preexistence glory. I love Him for coming down to this world to walk in human flesh for me. I love Him in His virgin birth. I love Him in His sinless, pure life. I love Him in His healing of the sick. I love Him as He cast out the demons and restored people to sanity. I love Him as He spoke only truth! I love Him as He raised the dead. I love Him for telling me the truth about heaven and hell. I love Him for condemning self-righteousness and correcting us. I love Him when He is arrested for my sake and taken to Golgotha. I love Him hanging on the cross for me. I love Him when He says, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” I love Him when He is laid in the tomb for me. I love Him when he rises on Easter Sunday in glory and power. I love Him when He promises the Holy Spirit to be His presence with all believers. I love Him when He ascends to heaven. I love Him now enthroned in glory. I will love Him when He returns for His bride, of which I am a part.