Bible Baptist Church

I made a mistake a few weeks ago. I was looking to see what book I wanted to read next, and when I hit the confirm button on the app I realized I accidentally bought t he book that was advertising within the book I just finished. The book I wanted was from Pastor Tyler Stanton. I didn't pick up on my mistake until the first chapter. The introduction was written by Pastor John Mark Comer so I didn't think much about it.

But my heart and mind were captured in the first few paragraphs of this book. Allow me to read them to you verbatim.

In the spring of 2018, I decided to kill myself. I opened a notebook and made a list. I split the list into two columns: pros and cons. I didn't wnat to be one of those hasty suicides. I needed to figure this out.
Mostly, though, my mind was made up.

I counted the items in each column: eight pro, seven con. Simple math.
There were, to my estimation, many pragmatic benefits to killing myself, but there were also some grave consequences that ranged from disastrous trauma for my loved ones to minor inconveniences like having to call someone to figure out my life insurance coverage. There were details to iron out. It was starting to sound like a lot of work. I wondered, "If I kill myself on a Wednesday, who will preach the sermon at church the following Sunday?"

I was, after all, the pastor.

Death to Deconstruction, Joshua S. Porter, 18.

I want you to imagine with me that each of us are walking a tight rope. This tight rope we are walking on has been with us since the day we were born. Yet, because life grows more stressful the older we get we find our tight rope feeling thinner and less secure. In reality it is the same tight rope from the beginning of your life to the final day of your life, but anxiety, stress, disappointments, and other disgruntled things make us feel as if the thread is bare and we can perish at any moment.

I want you to know Pastor Joshua Porter who wrote what I read to you earlier did not take his life. In fact, he had a complete turnaround that reshaped how he both lived and viewed life. I also want you to know the LORD has allowed His Word to be written in such a way that it includes both the lows and highs of different lives, such as:

1. Hannah weeped because she was barren. She wanted a child so badly that when she went to the Temple of the LORD her grief kept her from speaking outwardly. As the Eli the High Priest at the time watched her he assumed she was drunk as her lips were moving, but there was no sound (cf. 1 Samuel 1:14-16)

2. Elijah was one of the great prophets of the Old Testament, but he too struggled with his emotions. After a great victory on Mount Carmel Elijah has found himself running from Queen Jezebel. She has declared he will be die by tomorrow as her false prophets of Baal perished on Mount Caramel (cf. 1 Kings 19:4)

3. Job basically lost everything that we consider precious. He lost his children, servants, live stock, and his health (cf. Job 7:16)

4. David who was called a man after God's own heart struggled with his mental health. He was up and down and even writes of his struggles throughout the Psalms (cf. Psalm 6:6; 13:1, 2). Although he struggled, he had a reliance on God that spoke volumes above his struggles as we see in Psalm 13:5, 6

5. Jonah was a prophet of God who found himself in the belly of a whale after disobeying the LORD. A few days and nights in Whales' Hotel 6, Jonah quickly runs to Nineveh and preaches of God's upcoming judgment. Jonah was so distraught with how God was dealing mercifully with Nineveh, that he asked the LORD to take his life (cf. Jonah 4:3, 4)

6. Jesus Christ experienced profound distress and anguish in Gethsemane. He felt the full weight of what lay before Him, yet He responded without sin and in complete obedience to the Father's will. On top of all that, He knew that to go to the cross was to drink from a cup He never wanted to drink from. It was this prayer in the Garden of Gethsamne that caused Him to drop sweat like drops of blood (cf. Matthew 26:38; Luke 22:44)

There is a high probability that there are many here today who struggle greatly with their emotions or mental state. I am not saying you necessarily struggle with suicide, but you definitely feel the lows and highs of life. Go with me to Psalm 42 and lets consider the question the Psalmist asks, "Why are you cast down, O my soul?"

Many look at Psalm 42:1 as a passionate cry for desiring God. Yes, that is a piece of the puzzle here, but the context of Psalm 42 is not passion but desperation. The author of Psalm 42 is debated. We know Psalm 42 attributes itself to the sons of Korah, who were used to serve in the Temple worship. Some have said this is a Psalm David wrote when he was running from his son Absalom.

Whoever wrote this Psalm wrote it from desperation for something different. This isn't a person who is passionately wanting to change the world; this is a broken man desperately wanting life to be fixed again. This is why Psalm 42 is placed within the Lamenting Psalms. Look with me at the word pictures of Psalm 42 as we read it with the idea of brokenness and desperation.

As we see the desperation, we begin to see the layout for Psalm 42:

1. He thirsts for God (cf. Pslam 42:1-4)

When desperate for the LORD, we can begin to see hope restored:

* God helps (cf. Psalm 42:5, 11)
* God is loving (cf. Psalm 42:8)
* God is my Rock (cf. Psalm 42:9)

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?" when I can thirst for God!

2. He's honest to God (cf. Psalm 42:5)

You can see the reinforcing and acknowledging hope comes from one source, and that source is found in our relationship with the LORD.

He doesn't merely acknowledge his pain to himself; he brings it before God. The Psalmist is honest about his tears, his discouragement, and even his sense of abandonment. Biblical faith is not pretending everything is fine. Biblical faith is bringing everything to God.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?" when I can be honest with God!

3. He's truthful to himself (cf. Psalm 42:6-10)

He remembers days when he worshipped among the people of God, but now those memories only intensify his grief.

One of the hardest things we have to deal with, especially in smaller towns, is the longing to want to serve and worship with those who no longer want to participate. The Psalmist discovered the pain of this endeavor.

Life came crashing around him like a tidal wave exploding on the coast (cf. Psalm 42:7). Sometimes the waves are so violent and fast we struggle to catch our breath.

Even in my attempts to serve and worship the LORD, there are people on the outside with their whispers and shouting asking why we continue to even try. To be mocked in our attempts can be so discouraging (cf. Psalm 42:9, 10).

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?" when I can speak truth to myself!

4. He hopes in God (cf. Psalm 42:11)

Yet with all the desperation written throughout Psalm 42, the Psalmist ultimately finds his hope not in changed circumstances, but in the unchanging character of God.

Notice that nothing in Psalm 42 has actually changed by verse 11. His enemies are still there. His grief is still present. His circumstances remain difficult. What changed was where he fixed his hope.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul?" when I can hope in God!

As I read Pastor Joshua's words, I reread them again and again. I could not believe what I was reading, but I was also so impressed that a pastor was willing to be transparent with his brokenness. I began to wonder what it would look like for us here at BBC if we became transparent with our emotions and brokenness?

The Psalmist's faith is not demonstrated by hiding his pain. His faith is demonstrated by bringing that pain into the presence of the LORD.
Allow me to say this, if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or battling self-harm please seek me out, a counselor, or medical professional. No one wants to see you suffer, and remember God often uses pastors, counselors, doctors, family members, and fellow believers as instruments of His care.

I think the average American Christian is afraid to be honest and transparent with the LORD. I think we hurt ourselves by silencing our brokenness. We do this because maybe we are ashamed, embarrassed, or feel alone. I am here to tell you that God included some high profile people who struggled deeply with their emotions.
I want to help you, so allow me to share three things I am learning about our desperation for the LORD:

1. No one is immune to the troubles of this life

Don't be fooled by people or social media. No one has a perfect life. I won't say everyone, but I would not be surprised to find out that everyone has seasons of discouragement, that includes pastors and church attendees.

2. Psalm 42 begins with desperation but ends in worshipful praise

The Psalmist refers to his desperation, but reminds himself the answer is not to just chase after the LORD, but to remind himself what is true about God. The answer is not found in denying his pain but in directing his pain toward God. Yes, he begins with desperation but by the end of the Psalm He has rediscovered his praise and hope.

3. There is strength in transparency

The world, devil and often people tell us don't let people know your insecurities, disappointments, or why you are discouraged. It is not their business they will say, but I can tell you this, that there is unity, power, and relationship with those who are willing to be vulnerable with God and God's people.

Transparency isn't a guarantee that things will get better immediately or at all. Transparency allows the weight you are carrying to be distributed among many, including the LORD.