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Summit Church
Stay In The Circle Pt 4 | The Most Excellent Way | Jim Ladd
Locations & Times
Summit Church
7200 S Clinton St, Centennial, CO 80112, USA
Sunday 9:00 AM
Sunday 10:45 AM
Every person knows what it feels like when relationships don’t work.
* Kids feel it when they don’t feel seen or safe
* Teenagers feel it when they feel misunderstood
* Adults feel it in marriages, friendships, work
* Grandparents feel it in distance, regret, or disconnection
Different stages. Same struggle.
And most of us instinctively think: “If they would just change…”
But this entire series has been saying:
Draw the circle. Start here.
* Kids feel it when they don’t feel seen or safe
* Teenagers feel it when they feel misunderstood
* Adults feel it in marriages, friendships, work
* Grandparents feel it in distance, regret, or disconnection
Different stages. Same struggle.
And most of us instinctively think: “If they would just change…”
But this entire series has been saying:
Draw the circle. Start here.
Scripture does not first give us techniques - It gives us a diagnosis:
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1)
The problem is not out there. It’s in here.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?” (James 4:1)
The problem is not out there. It’s in here.
And —it gives us a vision: LOVE
Reading plan - Isaiah 54
God has woven together like a tapestry, his redemption plan for us. His absolute commitment to us is the platform upon which we can live a life of love.
Reading plan - Isaiah 54
God has woven together like a tapestry, his redemption plan for us. His absolute commitment to us is the platform upon which we can live a life of love.
The Big Idea: Love is the rocket fuel of transformation.
Love transforms every one of my relationships by transforming me first.
Love is not just a command - it is a capacity of God that He creates in us, too.
Love transforms every one of my relationships by transforming me first.
Love is not just a command - it is a capacity of God that He creates in us, too.
1 Corinthians 13:1-13
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
If I speak in the tongues of men or angels…
If I have prophecy…
If I give everything away…
But have not love, I am a nothing that makes a ton of noise and gains nothing.
If I have prophecy…
If I give everything away…
But have not love, I am a nothing that makes a ton of noise and gains nothing.
The Deeper Theology of Love
“God is love.” (1 John 4:8)
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
“The fruit of the Spirit is love…” (Galatians 5:22)
“God is love.” (1 John 4:8)
“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)
“The fruit of the Spirit is love…” (Galatians 5:22)
So now we see:
Love is rooted in God’s nature
Revealed in Christ
Produced by the Spirit
Expressed through a transformed life
Love is rooted in God’s nature
Revealed in Christ
Produced by the Spirit
Expressed through a transformed life
Four Super-Skills That are to be Fueled and Framed by Love:
1. The Skill to Connect with People
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking"
1. The Skill to Connect with People
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking"
“The Word became flesh and dwelt among us…” (John 1:14)
Connection is not just relational—it is incarnational.
We love by:
Moving toward
Seeing clearly
Staying present
Connection is not just relational—it is incarnational.
We love by:
Moving toward
Seeing clearly
Staying present
Sin curves us inward - we become self-protective instead of others-oriented.
To connect with others, you must be freed from being consumed with yourself.
To connect with others, you must be freed from being consumed with yourself.
Scenario
* Out of the Circle: You withdraw or react: “Fine. If they’re going to be like that, I will too.”
* In the Circle (Love): * You initiate: “I feel like something’s off between us. I care about you—can we talk?” And you listen without interrupting, correcting, or defending.
You are reflecting the heart of God—compassionate, patient, moving toward rather than away.
* Out of the Circle: You withdraw or react: “Fine. If they’re going to be like that, I will too.”
* In the Circle (Love): * You initiate: “I feel like something’s off between us. I care about you—can we talk?” And you listen without interrupting, correcting, or defending.
You are reflecting the heart of God—compassionate, patient, moving toward rather than away.
2. The Skill to Disconnect from People
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
“Jesus would not entrust himself to them for He knew all people.” (John 2:24)
“He often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
Love requires wisdom.
“He often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” (Luke 5:16)
Love requires wisdom.
God Himself has boundaries:
He invites—but does not force
He offers grace—but does not override will
He invites—but does not force
He offers grace—but does not override will
Love gives freely—but never loses itself.
Connection to the Circle
God does not take responsibility for what He has given you responsibility for.
Neither should you.
God does not take responsibility for what He has given you responsibility for.
Neither should you.
Scenario
* Out of the Circle
* In the Circle (Love)
What’s happening?
* Out of the Circle
* In the Circle (Love)
What’s happening?
3. The Skill to Process My Pain
"always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
"always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
The Psalms model this:
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? … Put your hope in God.” (Psalm 42)
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? … Put your hope in God.” (Psalm 42)
Jesus models this:
In Gethsemane: “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow…” (Matthew 26:38)
On the cross: “Father, forgive them…” (Luke 23:34)
In Gethsemane: “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow…” (Matthew 26:38)
On the cross: “Father, forgive them…” (Luke 23:34)
Unprocessed pain leads to judgment.
Processed pain leads to forgiveness.
Processed pain leads to forgiveness.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” - Ephesians 4:31-32
The cross is where pain is faced honestly and released redemptively.
Scenario
* Out of the Circle
* In the Circle (Love)
What’s happening?
You are putting away bitterness and choosing forgiveness (Eph. 4:31–32).
Scenario
* Out of the Circle
* In the Circle (Love)
What’s happening?
You are putting away bitterness and choosing forgiveness (Eph. 4:31–32).
4. The Skill to Be an Adult in an Adult World
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."
Galatians 6:2-5
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
Maturity is not independence from God— it is responsible dependence on God.
Spiritual maturity is taking full responsibility for your life under God, and allowing others to do the same.
Spiritual maturity is taking full responsibility for your life under God, and allowing others to do the same.
Bringing It Together
All four skills are not separate ideas—they are the outworking of one reality:
“Above all, love each other deeply…” (1 Peter 4:8)
Because love:
Moves toward (connection)
Respects boundaries (disconnection)
Heals wounds (processing pain)
Owns and allows responsibly (maturity)
All four skills are not separate ideas—they are the outworking of one reality:
“Above all, love each other deeply…” (1 Peter 4:8)
Because love:
Moves toward (connection)
Respects boundaries (disconnection)
Heals wounds (processing pain)
Owns and allows responsibly (maturity)
“The heart is deceitful above all things…” (Jeremiah 17:9)
“All have sinned…” (Romans 3:23)
“God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
“All have sinned…” (Romans 3:23)
“God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)
On the cross:
Justice was satisfied
Sin was paid for
Love was displayed
And now:
“God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…” (Romans 5:5)
Justice was satisfied
Sin was paid for
Love was displayed
And now:
“God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit…” (Romans 5:5)
You are not trying to become loving. You are receiving love and being transformed by it.
Response:
Upward
Am I rooted in the love of God?
(Ephesians 3:17–19)
Inward
Am I allowing the Spirit to form love in me—and where am I resisting?
(Galatians 5:22–23)
Outward
Where is love calling me to act ?
(1 John 3:18)
COMMUNION
Upward
Am I rooted in the love of God?
(Ephesians 3:17–19)
Inward
Am I allowing the Spirit to form love in me—and where am I resisting?
(Galatians 5:22–23)
Outward
Where is love calling me to act ?
(1 John 3:18)
COMMUNION
Discussion Guide
Week 4 – The Most Excellent Way
Stay in the Circle
Segment 1 – Love Starts Inside the Circle
We’ve spent this whole series learning: If you want to fix a relationship—draw a circle around yourself and fix everything inside that circle.
We land here:
Love is the rocket fuel of transformation.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13: You can be gifted, sacrificial, and impressive… and still be relationally broken and destructive.
Why?
Because love is not something you try harder to do— it’s something God forms in you.
And the first place that shows up is connection.
God didn’t stay distant—
He moved toward us (John 1:14).
So love moves toward people.
Discussion Questions
1. When conflict happens, do you tend to move toward people or pull away? Why?
2. Think about a recent situation—what kept you from moving toward that person?
3. What does “love is patient and kind” actually look like in real life—not just in theory?
4. What fears or insecurities make connection difficult for you?
Segment 2 – Love Has Strength (Boundaries + Processing Pain)
Love is often misunderstood as: “Be nice, say yes, keep the peace.”
But biblical love is stronger than that.
Love rejoices with the truth
Love is not self-seeking
Jesus Himself had boundaries (John 2:24, Luke 5:16)
And love also deals with pain.
If you don’t process your pain:
It comes out as anger
Or withdrawal
Or control
Scripture says: “Get rid of all bitterness…” (Ephesians 4:31)
Why?
Because Unprocessed pain doesn’t stay contained—it leaks into every relationship.
So love does two hard things:
It sets boundaries
It faces pain honestly
Discussion Questions
1. Where in your life do you struggle to say “no” when you really should?
2. Where do you tend to take responsibility for things that aren’t yours?
3. What is one example of “false love” (control, people-pleasing, avoiding truth)?
4. How do you usually handle pain—ignore it, react from it, or process it?
5. What would it look like to bring that pain into the light instead of letting it leak out?
Segment 3 – Love Grows Up (Responsibility + Action)
Paul says: “When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Cor. 13:11)
This is maturity.
And Galatians 6 says:
Carry each other’s burdens
But also carry your own load
That’s the balance:
I care about you—but I take responsibility for me.
This is the whole series:
Not:
“If they would just change…”
But:
“What is mine to own?”
"What is theirs to own?
And here’s the good news: You are not trying to become loving on your own.
“God’s love has been poured into our hearts…” (Romans 5:5)
So the question is not “Can I do this?”
It’s: “Will I let God form this in me?”
Discussion Questions (Pick 4–6)
1. What is one relationship where you’ve been focused more on them than on yourself?
2. What does “maturity” look like in your current season of life, relationally?
3. What is one thing inside your circle that God is asking you to own right now?
4. What could change if you fully took responsibility for your part in a relationship and released them to take responsibility for theirs?
Optional Closing Prayer (Leader)
“God, thank You that You didn’t wait for us to get it right—You loved us first. Teach us to live inside our circle. Form Your love in us—so that what comes out of us brings life to every relationship we have. Amen.”
Stay in the Circle
Segment 1 – Love Starts Inside the Circle
We’ve spent this whole series learning: If you want to fix a relationship—draw a circle around yourself and fix everything inside that circle.
We land here:
Love is the rocket fuel of transformation.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13: You can be gifted, sacrificial, and impressive… and still be relationally broken and destructive.
Why?
Because love is not something you try harder to do— it’s something God forms in you.
And the first place that shows up is connection.
God didn’t stay distant—
He moved toward us (John 1:14).
So love moves toward people.
Discussion Questions
1. When conflict happens, do you tend to move toward people or pull away? Why?
2. Think about a recent situation—what kept you from moving toward that person?
3. What does “love is patient and kind” actually look like in real life—not just in theory?
4. What fears or insecurities make connection difficult for you?
Segment 2 – Love Has Strength (Boundaries + Processing Pain)
Love is often misunderstood as: “Be nice, say yes, keep the peace.”
But biblical love is stronger than that.
Love rejoices with the truth
Love is not self-seeking
Jesus Himself had boundaries (John 2:24, Luke 5:16)
And love also deals with pain.
If you don’t process your pain:
It comes out as anger
Or withdrawal
Or control
Scripture says: “Get rid of all bitterness…” (Ephesians 4:31)
Why?
Because Unprocessed pain doesn’t stay contained—it leaks into every relationship.
So love does two hard things:
It sets boundaries
It faces pain honestly
Discussion Questions
1. Where in your life do you struggle to say “no” when you really should?
2. Where do you tend to take responsibility for things that aren’t yours?
3. What is one example of “false love” (control, people-pleasing, avoiding truth)?
4. How do you usually handle pain—ignore it, react from it, or process it?
5. What would it look like to bring that pain into the light instead of letting it leak out?
Segment 3 – Love Grows Up (Responsibility + Action)
Paul says: “When I became an adult, I put the ways of childhood behind me.” (1 Cor. 13:11)
This is maturity.
And Galatians 6 says:
Carry each other’s burdens
But also carry your own load
That’s the balance:
I care about you—but I take responsibility for me.
This is the whole series:
Not:
“If they would just change…”
But:
“What is mine to own?”
"What is theirs to own?
And here’s the good news: You are not trying to become loving on your own.
“God’s love has been poured into our hearts…” (Romans 5:5)
So the question is not “Can I do this?”
It’s: “Will I let God form this in me?”
Discussion Questions (Pick 4–6)
1. What is one relationship where you’ve been focused more on them than on yourself?
2. What does “maturity” look like in your current season of life, relationally?
3. What is one thing inside your circle that God is asking you to own right now?
4. What could change if you fully took responsibility for your part in a relationship and released them to take responsibility for theirs?
Optional Closing Prayer (Leader)
“God, thank You that You didn’t wait for us to get it right—You loved us first. Teach us to live inside our circle. Form Your love in us—so that what comes out of us brings life to every relationship we have. Amen.”