We're starting a brand new series today that's all about getting out of a mindset of consumerism and into a mindset where we contribute.

Everything in this world is for sale, isn't it? I heard a lot of phrases growing up in the country, many of them extremely hilarious, “that dog won’t hunt,” “his cornbread ain’t done in the middle,” “slicker than a frog’s back,” you get the point, but one I remember hearing all the time is, "Anything is for sale at the right price.” That last one is interesting because what you are really saying is that my answer won’t change unless the incentive does.

When everything is for sale, it forces you into a consumer mindset. You perceive everything as something to be consumed. You determine your level of engagement based on what you'll get as the outcome. You determine your value for that thing based on how it will benefit you. You expend capital, whether that's money or time or energy, based off the benefit you'll get in return.

I think we all want to be the opposite of this. Luke 6:35
35 “Love your enemies! Do good to them. Lend to them without expecting to be repaid. Then your reward from heaven will be very great, and you will truly be acting as children of the Most High, for he is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.

Jimmy Davis is a guy like that. He just loves to help people. It’s refreshing. But goodness isn’t it so easy to let a consumer mindset wrap us into engaging and assigning value based only on what we think is good for us?

Do you know anybody like this?
They have relationships, but those relationships are always built around what's best for them, not necessarily what is best for the relationship?

And what is hilarious is that we hear this and we instantly begin to push back against it. "Listen I've got to protect here. I've got to establish my priorities. I have to make those decisions based on what is good for me"

The older I get, the more I realize how valuable time really is, and if there's one thing all of us have, it's all these different things tugging at us, specifically demanding our time. I've learned I've had to start determining what I do or don't do based on what's the best use of my time. This is why I go home immediately at 5 PM, no matter where I am in my work. I've got to be sure that I'm not working so hard to lead a church that I forget to lead my family. I have to make sure that I'm not so wrapped up in my hobbies that I say help me relax that I end up isolating myself away from godly relationships - and responsibilities - around me.

So listen: nobody's telling you that prioritizing isn't important. Your spouse better get more of your attention than anything else. And Jesus better get more than your spouse. Your kids better get more than your friends or hobbies.

I am not saying priorities don't matter, but I am saying that we have to be very careful that all of our decisions concerning our relationships are not rooted simply in what we get out of it.

This is very difficult. It's difficult because it's more than forcing me to be better at time management, it's forcing me to identify goals.

In every relationship you have, there's a goal, whether you've established it or not. That main goal can be categorized into one of two: consumer or contributor. Often, your actions indicate which category that relationship is in. Let me give you an examples.

Think about your spouse for a moment. If you don’t have a spouse, think about a family member or a close friend. This works with any relationship.

What is your goal?
Are you trying to deepen your love? Grow closer together? Enjoy one another? If that's the goal, then you will constantly find ways to contribute to that relationship to achieve those goals.

I'll use me and Monique for a moment. I have a goal when it comes to my relationship with my wife. That goal is to reach our highest potential.

Now you might think that that sounds very generic, but it's only generic in the sense that it applies to a variety of spaces within the context of our relationship. I want our communication to reach its potential. I want our satisfaction with each other to reach its potential. I want our resilience and ability to endure hard times to reach its potential. I want to have fun with my wife and still love and truly know her even after the kids graduate. I am in this relationship because I want to be! I chose her! I love her!

Because our highest potential is my goal, it forces me to do things that contribute to seeing that become a reality. It makes me take responsibility in that relationship, and understanding that I'm not just expecting her to contribute, but I am making sure that, as far as it's up to me, I'm consistently adding value to us and our family.

On the other hand, if I am riddled with a consumer mindset in my relationship with my wife, then all I'm going to care about is what I can get from her. Is she meeting my needs, whether or not I'm meeting hers? Is she making me happy, whether or not I'm making her happy? Is she doing what I need her to do, regardless of whether or not I'm doing what she needs me to do?

Do you remember a moment ago when I said that your actions indicate which category that relationship is in? Well, if all I ever do is complain about what she isn't doing, how she isn't meeting my needs, how she isn't making me happy, it could be that my goal for that relationship is not one designed to help us reach our potential as a couple, but I have selfishly chosen to ignore my responsibility in reaching the goal and demand that she do all the work to satisfy my demands. How do you think that relationship will work out?

Let me give a caveat here:
That doesn't mean that my needs aren't important, or that my happiness is not important, etc., but it doesn’t mean hers aren’t either. When you are in a relationship, both of your needs are equally as important and each person needs to be working hard to contribute to the relationship in a way where it grows. Your needs are important, but it does mean they are secondary maybe even tertiary to the goal: which for us is reaching our highest potential together.

This consumer versus contributor mindset, goes all the way down the line in your relationships as well. You can easily tell if somebody is a consumer. They are selfish. They sit half listening to you, waiting for you to stop so they can talk about themselves. They get mad whenever they don't get what they want from you. They hold you to a higher standard than they hold themselves. They demand your contributions, but they refuse to offer their own.

Raise your hand if you wanna be married to a consumer or have a friend that’s one? Raise your hand if you want to be one? Do you want God to be like that?

When it comes to your relationship with God, are you a consumer or a contributor?

Maybe we need to establish a rough working definition of those two words.

Consumer Mindset - A mindset treats the relationship like a store or a vending machine.
Their main question is: “What am I getting out of this?”
They focus on what they can take or receive.
They keep score of what the other is doing (or not doing) for them.
They complain or pull away quickly when their needs aren’t being met.
They often don’t notice (or don’t want to admit) their own selfishness.
The relationship feels one-sided because their energy goes mostly toward getting their own needs filled.

In short, they’re there to consume love, attention, support, and effort — but they give back as little as possible unless it directly benefits them.

Contributor Mindset - A mindset treats the relationship like a team or a garden they’re both growing.
Their main question is: “What can I give to make this better?”
They focus on what they can add or contribute.
They look for ways to support, encourage, and strengthen the other.
They take responsibility for their own attitudes and actions instead of just blaming the other person.
They invest time, energy, and effort even when it’s not immediately convenient.
They see the relationship as something both people build together.

In short, they’re there to build a strong, healthy relationship by actively giving their best — not just taking what they can get.

Think about your spouse, your kids, your extended family, your friends, even God. Are you a consumer or a contributor?

Let me give another caveat here:
I know there are some people out there who are impossible to have healthy relationships with. They are toxic, they take consuming to the highest level, and there's no way you are going to be able to be sane, safe, or healthy if you engage with them. I've already told you about boundaries and that they can be healthy and beneficial, but at the end of the day, you are not responsible for their actions. You are responsible for your actions. God is not going to ask you to answer for their actions, but he is going to ask you to answer for yours.

No matter how they act, remember Romans 12:17-18
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone.

A tough truth is “How goes your relationship with God, so goes your relationship with others.” I know this might sound crazy to you, but wherever you stand in your relationship with God, you will see the fruit of that in your relationship with other people. If you and God are distant, disconnected, and at odds, you're gonna see frustration and strife in your earthly relationships. We typically act out our frustration with God on others. But if you are close to God, connected to him, and that relationship is filled with peace and hope and purpose, you are going to see people through God's lens, not your own, and it'll make you respond to them out of the fruit of the Spirit, not out of the fruit of the flesh.

So I ask again, when it comes to your relationship with God, are you a consumer or a contributor? Are you in it for what you can get out of it, or are you in it for that relationship with Jesus?

Let me share some truths about consumer vs contributor in relationships, especially with God.

1. Consumers take, but contributors sow.
What do you want more? Getting or growing? “If you give a man fish, he can eat for a day, but if you teach a man to fish, he can eat for a lifetime.” This is not a biblical mantra, but it is biblical. This is just a variation of sowing and reaping.

Galatians 6:7-10
7 Don’t be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant. 8 Those who live only to satisfy their own sinful nature will harvest decay and death from that sinful nature. But those who live to please the Spirit will harvest everlasting life from the Spirit. 9 So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up. 10 Therefore, whenever we have the opportunity, we should do good to everyone—especially to those in the family of faith.

One of the biggest issues with a consumer mindset is that it makes you think in terms of instant gratification rather than delayed gratification. You become hyper fixated on what you have (or don’t have) in your hands now and are blind to what needs to be built for tomorrow.

Yet contributors understand that what they do today that builds tomorrow will determine the return they have in their hands when tomorrow becomes today.

Let me say it like this:
Consumers want today’s portion, not caring how they get it. Contributors want to sow into the relationship because they understand that reaping only happens as a result of sowing.

That’s why consumers think in terms of need and contributors think in terms of investment. Listen: one is poverty minded and the other is abundance minded.

Prayer isn't just about what you need right now. It's investing into tomorrow's returns. Reading your Word is not just about you getting a word right now. It is investing into tomorrow's returns. Lunch with your wife is not about food in your belly right now. It is about investing into tomorrow's returns. If you aren't willing to invest into tomorrow, you don't get to complain about what you don't have today, because today's returns are built upon yesterday’s investments. So if you look at your relationships right now and you are not happy with the returns that are currently in your hand, it's probably the result of somebody not being willing to invest yesterday.
You've been content to consume but not contribute, and now you don't understand why you have nothing to consume today.

Until you see contributions into your relationships as investments into tomorrow, you will never be satisfied with nor enjoy the opportunity to appreciate what you have today.

What are you sowing today, because it is going to determine what you reap tomorrow. With God? With your spouse? With your children? With your family and friends? With your job?

2. Consumers gripe at the problem, contributors trust the process
Exodus 16:1-3
1 Then the whole community of Israel set out from Elim and journeyed into the wilderness of Sin, between Elim and Mount Sinai. They arrived there on the fifteenth day of the second month, one month after leaving the land of Egypt. 2 There, too, the whole community of Israel complained about Moses and Aaron. 3 “If only the Lord had killed us back in Egypt,” they moaned. “There we sat around pots filled with meat and ate all the bread we wanted. But now you have brought us into this wilderness to starve us all to death.”

Exodus 16:9-15
9 Then Moses said to Aaron, “Announce this to the entire community of Israel: ‘Present yourselves before the Lord, for he has heard your complaining.’” 10 And as Aaron spoke to the whole community of Israel, they looked out toward the wilderness. There they could see the awesome glory of the Lord in the cloud.
11 Then the Lord said to Moses, 12 “I have heard the Israelites’ complaints. Now tell them, ‘In the evening you will have meat to eat, and in the morning you will have all the bread you want. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God.’” 13 That evening vast numbers of quail flew in and covered the camp. And the next morning the area around the camp was wet with dew. 14 When the dew evaporated, a flaky substance as fine as frost blanketed the ground. 15 The Israelites were puzzled when they saw it. “What is it?” they asked each other. They had no idea what it was. Moses told them, “It is the food the Lord has given you to eat.
19 Then Moses told them, “Do not keep any of it until morning.” 20 But some of them didn’t listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Moses was very angry with them.

Sometimes I wonder why God doesn’t just throw up his hands and walk away.

Which do you do more: griping at how God is or isn’t doing this or that, or just patiently trust him to work everything out according to his plan? If you are the former, welcome to the boat. We all struggle with this. But why? Maybe because so many of us see God as a genie who does what we tell him to do rather than our savior, our king, our father, our God. We are more in love with his hand than we are his heart. Simply, we are consumers not contributors.

You can see how we consume. We demand, we gripe, we expect, we get angry. But how do we contribute in our relationship with God, then?
You repent of idolizing his doing over his being.
You reaffirm who he is in your life.
You choose to trust when you don’t understand.
You go to him to work through your fears rather than turn away (read/pray).
You choose to believe that he is good and has good things in mind for you.
You surround yourself with godly people to help you stay focused on God.
Most importantly, you understand and live out the truth that Jesus is the reward, not what he can do for you.
His doing is a byproduct of his being, and until we recognize that his being is the prize, we’ll always be disappointed with his doing.

That leads to the last point that really is the central issue:

3. Consumers just want a fling. Contributors want a relationship.
Why is prayer so hard? Reading so difficult? Spending time with Jesus such a struggle? It’s because we’ve been conditioned to get a fix, have a fling, not a relationship. Prayer is hard when we are only doing it to give Jesus a to do list. It is easy when it is simply about spending time with him. Reading is hard when we are only doing it because we need a hit of encouragement. It is easy when it is simply about hearing him speak to us.

Too many people are just dating Jesus. The difference between dating and marriage is covenant. You can leave the date whenever you want, but covenant says, “I’m not going anywhere. I am in, good, bad, and ugly.”

Consumers love the fling because it doesn’t require their whole heart. You don’t have to commit, put yourself on the line. “We can just hang out on the weekends, but I don’t have to bring her home.” Being a consumer, you can just stay lukewarm…

Jesus tells the church at Laodicea essentially that they are consumers, comfortable.
Revelation 3:14-17
14 “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Laodicea. This is the message from the one who is the Amen—the faithful and true witness, the beginning of God’s new creation: 15 “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! 16 But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! 17 You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.

This is in so many ways the state of the American church. We have so much and we consume all of it. We are so rich we’ve stopped counting on God for anything. That’s why people start getting serious about Jesus when stuff starts hitting the fan. We’ve gotten so lukewarm and church becomes an obligation. Jesus becomes just a small portion of our lives. Prayer and reading become Sunday tasks at 8:00, 9:30, or 11:00.

I’m not hating on you. I am hoping you see how consumer-like we’ve become and how Jesus wants us to stop the fling of consumerism and get in relationship that contributes. Watch this:

Revelation 3:20
20 “Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.

This is the passage of scripture immediately, following what Jesus had to say to the church at Laodicea. Imagine that:
He calls them lukewarm, says he's going to spit them out of his mouth,
but to end the passage, he simply invites them to open the door, let him in,
and for them to experience authentic relationship together.

This is what you have to understand about Jesus: he wants a relationship with with you. He wants that relationship to be authentic, fulfilling, active. He's not looking for obligation and he's even proven that for him it's not even about your mistakes and failures - He already took care of the mistakes on the Cross. All he wants is that you want him, and if I really got deep down to your core, all you want is that he wants you. Guess what, he does.

So you're gonna have to make a decision: What's the goal?
What's the goal when it comes to you and Jesus, and anybody else for that matter? Are you just in it to selfishly get what you want out of it? Or do you want a godly relationship where you both are contributing?

Are you gonna be a consumer when it comes to your relationship with Jesus and get angry when he doesn't do you want, or chase after his hands, but never his heart, or do you want to contribute to that relationship with Jesus where it's growing and healthy and thriving, and in turn, all the other relationships around you improve?

Consumerism might satisfy your belly today, but it leaves you with nothing for tomorrow. But when you are contributing to the relationships that really mean something to you, Jesus, your spouse, kids, family, friends, etc., the result is that you not only are satisfied with what's in your hands today,
but you are building and investing into what will be there tomorrow.

What is the goal of your relationships whether with Jesus or others? What needs to change in you so you can achieve it?

Let’s ask the Holy Spirit to help. Let’s pray.