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Summit Church
Not Good Pt 3 | Relationships Start with You | Jim Ladd
Locations & Times
Summit Church
7200 S Clinton St, Centennial, CO 80112, USA
Sunday 10:00 AM
The Big Idea: There's only one person I am responsible for in any relationship.
Genesis 2:15–17
“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.””
“The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.””
Proverbs 4:20-27
“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”
“My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Keep your mouth free of perversity; keep corrupt talk far from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.”
Before God gives Adam someone to love, He gives him something to tend and a command to obey.
Adam is entrusted before Eve exists.
* Responsibility precedes relationship.
* Accountability is non-negotiable.
* Adam’s first calling was stewardship, not partnership.
Adam is entrusted before Eve exists.
* Responsibility precedes relationship.
* Accountability is non-negotiable.
* Adam’s first calling was stewardship, not partnership.
And, if everything flows from the heart, then relational chaos often begins with internal neglect.
* My inner life is my responsibility.
* Unguarded hearts are damage creators
* Health must be received from God and protected
* My inner life is my responsibility.
* Unguarded hearts are damage creators
* Health must be received from God and protected
Today, Three Things I Must Control:
My Judgmental Heart
My Personal Boundaries
My Obedience to Jesus
My Judgmental Heart
My Personal Boundaries
My Obedience to Jesus
1. My Judgmental Heart
Matthew 7:1–6
““Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”
Matthew 7:1–6
““Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.”
Jesus doesn't just call for discernment; He forbids denial.
* Jesus places self-examination before confrontation.
* Clarity with others requires honesty with myself.
* Choose who gets access to your Pearls.
* Jesus places self-examination before confrontation.
* Clarity with others requires honesty with myself.
* Choose who gets access to your Pearls.
Stop waiting for others to change before you do. Ask:
What is God asking me to tend, confront, or surrender in myself?
Maturity is not perfection—it’s ownership.
Healthy relationships are built by people who say, “This part is mine.”
What is God asking me to tend, confront, or surrender in myself?
Maturity is not perfection—it’s ownership.
Healthy relationships are built by people who say, “This part is mine.”
2. My Personal Boundaries
Galatians 6:2–5
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
Galatians 6:2–5
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load.”
The Apparent Tension
* v.2: “Carry each other’s burdens.”
* v.5: “Each one should carry their own load.”
At first glance, that sounds like Paul is arguing with himself. He’s not. He’s drawing a crucial distinction that mature relationships depend on.
* v.2: “Carry each other’s burdens.”
* v.5: “Each one should carry their own load.”
At first glance, that sounds like Paul is arguing with himself. He’s not. He’s drawing a crucial distinction that mature relationships depend on.
Two Different Words, Two Different Realities
1. “Burdens” (v.2)
This word refers to something heavy, crushing, overwhelming—something a person was never meant to carry alone.
Think:
* Grief
* Sin that has trapped someone
* Suffering
* Trauma
* Seasons of weakness
1. “Burdens” (v.2)
This word refers to something heavy, crushing, overwhelming—something a person was never meant to carry alone.
Think:
* Grief
* Sin that has trapped someone
* Suffering
* Trauma
* Seasons of weakness
Paul’s point:
There are weights in life that require community. Love steps in. The church moves toward pain. This is how we “fulfill the law of Christ”—the self-giving love modeled by Jesus.
There are weights in life that require community. Love steps in. The church moves toward pain. This is how we “fulfill the law of Christ”—the self-giving love modeled by Jesus.
2. “Load” (v.5)
This word refers to a personal pack, assignment, or responsibility—something specifically entrusted to you.
Think:
* Your character
* Your obedience
* Your choices
* Your repentance
* Your faithfulness
This word refers to a personal pack, assignment, or responsibility—something specifically entrusted to you.
Think:
* Your character
* Your obedience
* Your choices
* Your repentance
* Your faithfulness
Paul’s point:
There are responsibilities no one else can carry for you. No amount of community can replace personal obedience.
No one can repent for you.
No one can obey for you.
No one can mature for you.
There are responsibilities no one else can carry for you. No amount of community can replace personal obedience.
No one can repent for you.
No one can obey for you.
No one can mature for you.
Paul is correcting two opposite relational failures:
Failure #1: Isolation
“I don’t need anyone.”
Paul says: Wrong.
Some burdens are too heavy alone. Refusing help is not strength—it’s pride.
Failure #2: Entitlement
“Others should carry what God assigned to me.”
Paul says: Also wrong.
Community does not exist to excuse irresponsibility.
Failure #1: Isolation
“I don’t need anyone.”
Paul says: Wrong.
Some burdens are too heavy alone. Refusing help is not strength—it’s pride.
Failure #2: Entitlement
“Others should carry what God assigned to me.”
Paul says: Also wrong.
Community does not exist to excuse irresponsibility.
Healthy relationships live between these errors.
Christian maturity is knowing the difference between what I must carry and what I must not carry alone.
* Immaturity avoids responsibility or avoids vulnerability
* Maturity practices both ownership and interdependence
Christian maturity is knowing the difference between what I must carry and what I must not carry alone.
* Immaturity avoids responsibility or avoids vulnerability
* Maturity practices both ownership and interdependence
This passage protects relationships from:
* Codependency (“I’ll carry what isn’t mine”)
* Control (“I’ll manage your obedience”)
* Shame (“I shouldn’t need help”)
* Blame (“This is your fault”)
* Codependency (“I’ll carry what isn’t mine”)
* Control (“I’ll manage your obedience”)
* Shame (“I shouldn’t need help”)
* Blame (“This is your fault”)
God is building a community where:
We help carry what is too heavy for someone, but we never carry what God has assigned to them to own.
We help carry what is too heavy for someone, but we never carry what God has assigned to them to own.
3. My Obedience to Jesus
James 1:19–25
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. ”
James 1:19–25
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. ”
I am successful when I am Obedient to God and His Word
God spells Discipleship F.O.L.L.O.W.
THE measure of Discipleship is always obedience
Doers, not hearers.
* Self-deception is the enemy of growth.
* Truth that isn’t practiced becomes distortion.
* Obedience is where freedom lives.
God spells Discipleship F.O.L.L.O.W.
THE measure of Discipleship is always obedience
Doers, not hearers.
* Self-deception is the enemy of growth.
* Truth that isn’t practiced becomes distortion.
* Obedience is where freedom lives.
C.S. Lewis
“It is easier to say that the neighbor is a nuisance than to admit that I am not loving.”
— Mere Christianity
“It is easier to say that the neighbor is a nuisance than to admit that I am not loving.”
— Mere Christianity
Response:
Own My Inner World
Stay in My Lane
Make Obedience My Highest Priority
Own My Inner World
Stay in My Lane
Make Obedience My Highest Priority
The greatest threat to my relationships is me—and that’s also the greatest hope, because I’m the one God invites to change.
Discussion Guide
Big Idea: There’s only one person I am responsible for in any relationship.
Icebreaker Questions
1. What’s one responsibility you learned “the hard way” in life that no one else could carry for you?
2. When you hear the phrase “guard your heart,” what comes to mind first—something emotional, spiritual, relational, or practical? Why?
Discussion Questions
1. Why do you think personal responsibility is a prerequisite for healthy relationships?
2. Proverbs 4:23 says everything flows from the heart. What are some ways an unguarded heart can quietly damage relationships?
3. Why is it often easier to see the “speck” in others than the “plank” in ourselves?
4. Jesus places self-examination before confrontation. How can this change the way we approach conflict or correction?
5. What’s the difference between discernment and judgment, according to Matthew 7?
6. Maturity is not perfection—it’s ownership. What does ownership look like practically in relationships?
7. What is one area where God might be inviting you to stop waiting for someone else to change and instead take responsibility yourself?
8. Galatians 6 talks about both carrying one another's burdens and carrying our own load. Why do you think healthy relationships require both?
9. How can confusing “bearing one another's burdens” and “carrying our own loads” lead to codependency, control, or resentment in relationships?
10. What’s a healthy example of helping someone without carrying what God has assigned them to carry?
11. James says we deceive ourselves when we hear the Word but don’t do it. Why is self-deception so dangerous to spiritual and relational growth?
The greatest threat to my relationships is me—and that’s also the greatest hope, because I’m the one God invites to change.
Icebreaker Questions
1. What’s one responsibility you learned “the hard way” in life that no one else could carry for you?
2. When you hear the phrase “guard your heart,” what comes to mind first—something emotional, spiritual, relational, or practical? Why?
Discussion Questions
1. Why do you think personal responsibility is a prerequisite for healthy relationships?
2. Proverbs 4:23 says everything flows from the heart. What are some ways an unguarded heart can quietly damage relationships?
3. Why is it often easier to see the “speck” in others than the “plank” in ourselves?
4. Jesus places self-examination before confrontation. How can this change the way we approach conflict or correction?
5. What’s the difference between discernment and judgment, according to Matthew 7?
6. Maturity is not perfection—it’s ownership. What does ownership look like practically in relationships?
7. What is one area where God might be inviting you to stop waiting for someone else to change and instead take responsibility yourself?
8. Galatians 6 talks about both carrying one another's burdens and carrying our own load. Why do you think healthy relationships require both?
9. How can confusing “bearing one another's burdens” and “carrying our own loads” lead to codependency, control, or resentment in relationships?
10. What’s a healthy example of helping someone without carrying what God has assigned them to carry?
11. James says we deceive ourselves when we hear the Word but don’t do it. Why is self-deception so dangerous to spiritual and relational growth?
The greatest threat to my relationships is me—and that’s also the greatest hope, because I’m the one God invites to change.