We are in week two of the series called "He Loves Me," and last Sunday we specifically talked about our relationship with God in terms of transactional love. Remember, God doesn't love you transactionally. That means if you do good, he loves you more and if you do badly, he loves you less. That's not how God's love works. He loves you unconditionally.

What makes this difficult is that's how everything in our world works. Every single arena of our lives, transactions exist. If you work 40 hours, you get a paycheck. Doing the crime means doing the time.

But is that how God wants us to live? Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

This is the best Bible verse to prove God does not love like this and neither should we. He loves us while we were still sinners - in active rebellion against God. Jesus died BEFORE we repented, before we did anything to “earn” it.

I genuinely believe that deep down we know transactional love is not God's plan for us, neither for us to receive love that way nor to give it that way. But there in lies the problem: Because the world is built on a transactional system, it's really difficult to operate in it without ourselves being transactional.

There are several stories in the Bible that illustrate this transactional love I'm talking about. One could be Jacob as he worked for Rachel's hand, only to be deceived by Laban into marrying Leah first. We could talk about Hosea, who God told to marry a harlot as it represented how Israel was treating God. Hosea time after time redeemed her even though she continually chased others.

One story that really illustrates all of this is the story of the prodigal son, but perhaps not in the way you might be thinking. We talk so much about the prodigal, about his rebellion, his disrespect to his father. We talk about the power of, not only the change that was wrought in his heart, but of the forgiveness that flowed from the heart of his father. This is a beautiful metaphor of the love God has for us, his own wayward children.

But have you thought about the other brother? The brother that stayed? The brother that questioned his father once the prodigal returned home?

If you don't know the story, a man had two sons, and one demanded his inheritance. The father gave the inheritance, and the son left his father, squandered his riches, found himself feeding pigs in a trough, and that's where he came to his senses, realizing the error of his ways.

He returns home to find the father looking for him on the horizon. The father runs out to meet the prodigal forgiving him before the son could even get the apology out. That's the context in which we find the next few verses.

Luke 15:25-32
25 “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, 26 and he asked one of the servants what was going on. 27 ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’
28 “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, 29 but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. 30 Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’
31 “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. 32 We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”

What's more important to you, restoration or justice? What would you prefer: the person who hurt you the most burning in hell or having Jesus change them, welcoming them into heaven?

I have no biblical evidence for this, but I would not be surprised if some of us find our mansions right next to the person that hurt us the most in Heaven, not because God plays some cruel joke, but because God does not punish us for our sins or repay us according to our iniquities. You see, that's unconditional love working. Unconditional love heals where transactional love harms. And you might say to yourself in this moment, "no that's not right, it just means people get what they deserve." That is all good and well until it's us getting what we deserve.

Don't forget God's restorative work is meant for everyone, not just the people you like. And so a part of the cost of admission is wanting to see everyone be changed by his love, including your greatest enemy. Remember, you were an enemy of God and he loved you…

Why am I going off about that?
Because the son that stayed was more concerned with the son that left getting what he deserved rather than being restored into the family. Is that you, too?

This is gonna be hard for some of us because there are some people out there who have hurt us so bad and the last thing we want is for them to be in the family. I saw a TikTok the other day where this guy was saying, "Man I had a dream, and my biggest opp was sitting in heaven next to my grandmomma quilting. Dream, bro? I call that a nightmare!”

You want to know whether or not your love for a person is transactional?
You want justice more than restoration.

I know there are many here that don't want to hear something like that, but I'm not here to preach things that make you feel good but don't make you be good. And when it comes to really tackling this notion of transactional versus unconditional love, we have to address the fact that sometimes we get hurt. Sometimes we get taken advantage of. Sometimes we deserve justice.

And let me give a caveat here:
Nobody is telling you to intentionally put yourself in situations where people who have historically hurt you and show no signs of change can hurt you again. Remember we talked before about boundaries and how badly you needed them. Some people should not get access to your life. Can we all agree on that?

But still, there are times when people hurt us, even people who say they love us. What do we do?

How can I have unconditional love in a transactional world?

1. Let go of the payback
Romans 12:17-19
17 Never pay back evil with more evil. Do things in such a way that everyone can see you are honorable. 18 Do all that you can to live in peace with everyone. 19 Dear friends, never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God. For the Scriptures say, “I will take revenge; I will pay them back,” says the Lord.

My first thought when I read this passage, this week was, "Man, Jesus gets all the fun parts!" And immediately heard in my head, “When you live a perfect life and sacrifice yourself for the sins of mankind, you can do whatever you want, but until then, obey." But do you know what's crazy is the idea that revenge is the fun part.

I'll admit revenge feels good, but only in your flesh. In reality, revenge should break our hearts. Not because the other person doesn't deserve it, but because we should want restoration more than anything.

I've been angry with people before. I've had situations in my life where I thought I was right and reveled in my rightness, but then something changes and restoration becomes possible. I stand here today from a place of experience when I say this: Restoration is exponentially better than revenge.

If I'm going to have the unconditional love of God working in me and through me, I'm gonna have to be willing to let go of the payback. That means in spite of what they did, in spite of what they said, in spite of the why behind it. I have to be willing to let go of vengeance.

What can revenge serve you that is better than what restoration can?

So what does this look like practically?
It means choosing to be nice when there is no apology.
It means showing love when they deserve hate.
It means forgiving them, even if they haven't done anything to deserve it.
When you do these, you are being a co-laborer with God. You are working WITH Jesus in restoration, not against him.

God is not going to ask you to answer for their wrong, but he is going to ask you to answer whether or not you did right.

2. Stop charging interest
What do I mean by this?
You ever had somebody do something really mean to you, really wrong, and then no matter what they did after that, whether good, bad, or ugly, you just couldn't stand the sight of them? Every little word, they said you had a problem with, they can't do anything right by you. You know what I'm talking about?

That’s interest.
Interest in finance, is the cost to borrow money. Interest in relationships is the compounded frustration from refusing to forgive.

Deuteronomy 23:19
You shall not charge interest on loans to your brother, interest on money, interest on food, interest on anything that is lent for interest.

“Lent for interest” is from nashak that means a strike from a serpent, but in terms of lending, “a thing that drains a person’s livelihood.” That is interesting. God doesn’t want you to suck the life out of someone you are called to love. BTW - Charging interest is proof you haven’t forgiven them. You’re allowing what they did to affect you still.

Do you see why this is such a big deal?
If all you care about is what they did wrong against you, you'll never be able to see the good that God could do through you, even in their lives. When we're charging them interest, we are sucking the life out of them.

So stop charging interest, but start earning it. Huh? Wait doesn’t that negate the point? Let me let you in on a plan of the enemy: The enemy will often attack you with the opposite thing that God called you to. That's why sometimes you see somebody who is called to generosity be extremely selfish. That's why sometimes, people like me who have a huge heart for people, can operate out of anger and frustration towards them. It's designed to cancel the other one out. BTW What is it for you? What is satan doing to work against what God put in you?

If somebody hurts you and you charge interest in that every little thing they do pushes you further away from them, could it be that's the exact opposite of what God wants in your life? Look, this doesn’t mean you have to be the one God uses to change them. But if you refuse to forgive and that distance grows, it is a guarantee that God can’t use you to change them.

The way you charge interest is by refusing to forgive people. But the way you earn interest is by investing in people. You can’t invest in others if unforgiveness is sucking the life out of your accounts.

3. Invest with courage
Matthew 4:18-20
18 Jesus was walking by the Sea of Galilee. He saw two brothers. They were Simon (his other name was Peter) and Andrew, his brother. They were putting a net into the sea for they were fishermen. 19 Jesus said to them, “Follow Me. I will make you fish for men!” 20 At once they left their nets and followed Him.
I call that investing with courage. Would you have chosen Peter?

Courage will make you do things you wouldn’t normally do. What is it about courage that works like that?

Courage is from a Latin root word, “cor” that means “heart.” The idea is that when you have courage, your heart is stronger than the mind. Basically what is in your heart is bigger than what is in your head.

You see where I am going here? Transactional love will keep you in your mind and away from your heart.

What's amazing is that unconditional love works differently. Unconditional love leads with the heart, leads with love, but takes into consideration what the mind is thinking as well, where transactional love just ignores the heart. It might have sounded like I've tried to make unconditional love as simply a blind acceptance and require you to just love no matter what. I do think you need to love no matter what, but you also need to have wisdom.

Transactional love makes you ignore the heart and only do what you think is best for you. Unconditional love wants you to take heart and mind into consideration, but let love lead you.

So as your interact with people around you, I'm telling you right now:
You are going to have moments where you are going to want to ignore your heart and let your mind run things, where you are going to just do what you think is best for you. But that is not courageous.

Courageous is being willing to love, in spite of, have compassion when your head wants to cut people off, it is choosing restoration over revenge.
And look, sometimes restoration can’t happen, but courage is trying for it.

We were in Albuquerque last week and while driving around I saw a pretty good sized boat. It was on someone’s property and looked in bad shape, like it had been there rotting. I thought it was funny because ABQ is pretty much a desert. I could understand a boat because there are lakes, etc., but this one was big. Why was it way out here? It was safe from the waves but it was rotting in its environment. Kinda like us when we refuse to invest in people.

Boats were not made for the desert any more than you were made for isolation. It is true that in isolation you don’t risk pain, but you also miss out on the beauty of loving and being loved. In another way to say it, you couldn’t have missed the pain, but you’d of had to miss the dance.

You are going to have to risk your heart to love people. The same goes for being loved. Do it anyway.

4. Love generously
Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you.

I know we only see this as a financial giving verse, but it is a life principle, not just a financial principle. This goes right alongside investing in people courageously.

If you were to receive love at the level of unconditional love you give, what would that look like?

We talk a lot about Joseph because there are so many great lessons there. He was second in command and at one point, his brothers came to buy grain. He recognized them, but they didn’t recognize him. Joseph said, “You’re spies.” They begged him, “We are not.” Joseph demanded the younger brother journey to Egypt to see if they were lying. Joseph was going to jail all but one until the younger brother came. He instead chose to jail one, Simeon, but before they left, we see Genesis 42:21
Speaking among themselves, they said, “Clearly we are being punished because of what we did to Joseph long ago. We saw his anguish when he pleaded for his life, but we wouldn’t listen. That’s why we’re in this trouble.”

They weren’t generous with their love. They were selfish with it. And jealous. And evil.

Yet it was never Joseph’s intention to harm them. In v24 he went into another room and began to weep. The brothers eventually returned with the youngest, Benjamin, Joseph’s true brother, and shared a feast, where Joseph, again had to leave the room to cry.

At one point Judah comes clean about everything, including what they did to Joseph. Judah offers himself in place of Benjamin.

Genesis 45:1-2, 4-5
1 Joseph could stand it no longer. There were many people in the room, and he said to his attendants, “Out, all of you!” So he was alone with his brothers when he told them who he was. 2 Then he broke down and wept. He wept so loudly the Egyptians could hear him, and word of it quickly carried to Pharaoh’s palace.
4 “Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. 5 But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives.

Years later when their father, Jacob died, the brothers again became fearful that Joseph would now exact vengeance.

Genesis 50:14-15, 19-20
14 After burying Jacob, Joseph returned to Egypt with his brothers and all who had accompanied him to his father’s burial. 15 But now that their father was dead, Joseph’s brothers became fearful. “Now Joseph will show his anger and pay us back for all the wrong we did to him,” they said. 19 But Joseph replied, “Don’t be afraid of me. Am I God, that I can punish you?
20 You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people. 21 No, don’t be afraid. I will continue to take care of you and your children.” So he reassured them by speaking kindly to them.

Why am I going so deep in the woods on this story, and here at the end of the message? I want you to see the difference between selfish love and selfless love. Let me say it like this: transactional love and unconditional love.

One of them tears down. One of them build up.

With which are you being generous?
Love that tears down (transactional), or love that builds up (unconditional)?
Unconditional love gives people space to be real, authentic, space to make a mistake, space to open up and let their guard down. It might be people around you don’t do that with you because they know the space isn’t safe, it is transactional. Unconditional love creates room for unlimited growth.

It is hard to love generously when you’re selfish. Or angry. Or vengeful. Or jealous. It is hard to love unconditionally when you’ve not forgiven. You haven’t moved on. Even when you have made up your mind that loving hurts too much to risk it.

Let me tell you as we close about someone who loved well. It is a guy named Jesus. I know you know all the Bible verses and church stories and that we’re supposed to love and forgive and have joy and bear fruit and all that.

Are you investing in people courageously? Are you loving generously? Or you expecting a payback? Charging interest? Because if discipleship is really about being more like Jesus, then we’ll have to love and invest, not charge interest and get even.

I great test to know where you are in this is in how you receive love. I know from last week we mentioned some of you are hard to love, hard to pet,
and it probably means that you are hard to give love, too. Some of us, the person we hate and are mean to the most is in the mirror. Please don’t hate the person Jesus loves so much he died to redeem.

So who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to let off the hook?
What situation do you need to walk away from? What mindset do you need to wash your hands of?

All of these will keep you from loving the way God wants you to, the way I know you want to.

You’ve been given a clear path to your next step today.

Let go of the payback. (That’s justice, vengeance, even an apology). You don’t need it. It won’t make you whole again.

Stop charging interest. AKA holding what people have done over their heads. (Do unto others!) Forgive them! Not forgiving isn’t hurting them, it is hurting you!

Invest with courage. (But with wisdom). Yeah it is hard sometimes, but it is worth it!

Be generous with love. (Even though it means risking pain). If you have no other reason for it, be generous because God was generous with his love for you.

If you haven’t experienced the generous and courageous love of God, take this opportunity. Make Jesus Lord.

I don’t know what step you need to take, but here’s your chance.

Let’s pray.