Relationship Goals – God’s Vision for Marriage

When it comes to relationships and romance, our culture has no lack of interest. But what our culture lacks is a compelling vision for singleness, sex and marriage.

The Bible has much to say on this vital area in our lives. Far from taking a low view, where the Bible speaks to the themes of sex and relationships it encourages us to elevate our vision and see these themes in light of the goodness and purpose of God.

God cares about marriage. The Bible begins with a wedding, the union of Adam and Eve, which God himself officiates. The Bible ends with a wedding, in the book of Revelation. Jesus’ first miracle took place at a wedding. And the Bible likens Jesus’ relationship with the Church as being like a marriage.

Understanding God’s design for marriage is crucial.

1. Marriage provides companionship

Genesis 2:18
“It is not good that the man should be alone…”

Solitude is a gift, but loneliness can be cruel. This is one of the great consolations of marriage – the companionship that it provides as an antidote to loneliness.

2. Marriage develops our character

Before the 18th & 19th century Enlightenment period, people were taught to find meaning in duty and by carrying out their social roles faithfully.

But after the Enlightenment, the meaning of life came to be seen as the freedom of the individual to choose the life that most fulfills him/her personally.

Timothy Keller in “The Meaning of Marriage”:
Instead of finding meaning through self-denial and giving up one’s freedoms by binding oneself to the duties of marriage and family, the purpose of marriage was redefined as finding emotional and sexual fulfillment and self-actualisation.

Marriage is designed to make you holy!

The grit and friction that comes with two sinners living together has a way of smoothing off the rough edges in our character – and that’s a good thing.

3. Marriage creates stable community for the birth and nurture of children

Where the male female sexual union occurs within the covenant of marriage, it produces the most stable community in which that child can be nurtured and grow.

Not only is the male female sexual union the only sexual union capable of producing children, the mother / father family framework provides unique and complementary strengths that contribute toward a child’s development.

4. Marriage serves the common good for the wider community

The vows of monogamy, central to marriage, serve to restrain the sexual appetites and impulses, which is a good thing for the wider community.

Unrestrained sexual appetites lead to chaos.

5. Marriage reflects the nature of God

When a man and woman are joined together in an enduring lifelong union, it reflects the nature of the Triune God.

Genesis 1:27
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

In the marriage union, two unique, distinct but equal persons are joined as one. There is plurality, yet singularity at the same time.

In the Trinity there is difference, but oneness, just like in the marriage of a man and woman there is also difference but oneness. Marriage is innate to God’s own image and intention for humanity – that our lives and relationships reflect God Himself.

6. Marriage is a picture of Jesus’ love for us

Marriage points beyond itself to something more important.

Ephesians 5:31–32
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.

When husband and wife are joined together in loving union, they become a living, breathing, dynamic picture of Jesus and the Church.

Ephesians 5:18–33
And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Five Commitments For A Better Marriage.

1. Commit to keeping yourself spiritually full

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭18‬ ‭‬‬‬‬‬
Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit…

Paul prefaces his instructions about marriage by reminding us to be filled with the Spirit. There is no way that your heart gets filled with the Holy Spirit and you become a worse husband or wife.

Galatians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭23‬‬‬‬
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

2. Commit to a tone of joy and gratitude in your heart

If not careful, in our heart we can start to build layers of frustrations and grievances about what your spouse does – and resentment about what your spouse doesn’t do.

Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭‬‬‬‬
“Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
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The tone of your heart will become the tone of the marriage. The tone of the marriage will become the tone of the home. Gratitude has a way of setting the tone right.

3. Commit to the good of the whole more than personal preferences

Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭21‬ ‭‬‬‬
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
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The word ‘submit’ Paul uses is a military word used to refer to a soldier submitting to an officer. When you join the military, you lose the right to insist on your own schedule, your own preferences, your own agendas. You become part of a greater whole, a greater unity, and you have to surrender your autonomy.

Same is true in marriage. You lose the right to insist on everything running on your own schedule, your own preferences, your own agendas. You become part of a greater whole, a greater unity. You give up the right to be the sole decision maker. You deny your rights, you serve, and you put the good of the whole over your own.

4. Commit to the attitudes of love and respect

Ephesians 5:33
let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

A wife does best where she feels loved, and a husband does best where he feels respected.

5. Commit to doing for your spouse what Jesus has done for you

Jesus willingly gave Himself up to serve us, putting our interests ahead of His own, to unite us to Himself in relationship.

If we try to put our own happiness ahead of obedience to God, we end up damaging ourselves and ultimately damaging ourselves.

Matthew 16:25
Whoever wants to save his life shall lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

If we make happiness the goal, we’ll never attain it. But if we make obedience to Jesus the goal, we’ll find life and happiness along the path.

2 Corinthians 5:15
and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised.