Welcome to our journey into a series we are calling "Healing Fractured Relationships". Together we are seeking the Lord's wisdom and guidance for our relationships: all relationships. Why? Because all relationships matter.

Whoever those people are that matter most to you, that's who we are talking about today and in the weeks to come. And most specifically, we are talking about relationships in our lives that are hurting.

The questions we are asking together:
"Lord, what do you have to say about the people in my life who are hurting the most?"
"Lord, what do you have to say about the people in my life who have hurt me the most?"

Each week, as we talk about relationships, we will talk about specific tools that can help us. God's Word has truth for us, tools for us, regarding our relationships, especially those that are hurting.

Today we begin with the topic of conflict. What does God's Word have to say to us about dealing with conflict in our relationships?

While we may not enjoy conflict, the truth is, we need it.

I began with an idea that may seem puzzling to you, but it's true: we need conflict. Specifically, we need healthy conflict that we can work through together.
The closest relationships in your life aren't the ones where you've avoided conflict, instead you've addressed it in a healthy way and worked through it.

In his letter to the church in Philippi, Paul has a lot to say about relationships. And almost immediately, he address selfishness. Biblically, selfishness is poison to Godly relationships.

The greek word for humility in verse 3 really refers to "humility of mind" or "having a humble opinion of oneself."

Two of the most common responses that we have to conflict are:

1. We want to AVOID
-We avoid conflict, avoid the hard things, ignore the problems, and pretend like it's all good. hen we ignore conflict, it doesn't go away. It doesn't just resolve. It builds.
-When we ignore conflict, it doesn't go away. Often it gets worse.
-But also, avoiding conflict is not obedient to God's Word. It does not help us pursue "having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind."

2. We want to WIN
-We see conflict not as an opportunity for restoration or healing, but as an opportunity to win.
-In our nature, we all like to win! We desperately want to be the one who’s right! And this translates into how we address conflict.
-But Biblically, a call to humility is not a call to win.

How To Turn a Disagreement into a Feud
1. Be sure to develop and maintain a healthy fear of conflict, letting your own feelings build up so you are in an explosive frame of mind.
2. If you must state your concerns, be as vague and general as possible. Then the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.
3. Assume you know all the facts and you are totally right. The use of a clinching Bible verse is helpful. Speak prophetically for truth and justice; do most of the talking.
4. With a touch of defiance, announce your willingness to talk with anyone who wishes to discuss the problem with you. But do not take steps to initiate such conversation.
5. Latch tenaciously onto whatever evidence you can find that shows the other person is merely jealous of you.
6. Judge the motivation of the other party on any previous experience that showed failure or unkindness. Keep track of any angry words.
7. If the discussion should, alas, become serious, view the issue as a win/lose struggle. Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender.

The ultimate problem:
In a relationship, if one person loses, the relationship loses.

Paul's words point us to the first step:
"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus"

-The foundation of Godly relationships begins with a new mindset.
-Without a Christlike mindset we will always see conflict as something to avoid, or something to win. And that's never going to lead to the life that we desire.
-A Christ-like mindset is based on humility, where we consider the needs of others and put their needs before our own.

Verses for further study/reflection:
Matthew. 5:9
Ephesians 2:14-18
1 Timothy 2:5
Philippians 4:2-23
1 Peter 3:8
1 Peter 4:8
James 1:19-20