In Search of a New Calm
John Van Diest says that anger hurts others when: You hold onto it too long; you refuse to forgive; you attack the person, not the action; you let it become a habit; you lose control; you become abusive; you hurt those you love; you react rather than act; you dwell on it constantly; you damage someone’s reputation.
Do you need a new calm? You’re not a slave to your anger anymore. When you get those anger invitations, you can decline them. You don’t have to go to every anger party you’re invited to.
When it comes to hurt and anger, you have one of three alternatives.
1. Repress it.
2. Express it.
3. Confess it.
So speaking of anger, are you mad today? How come? If you were honest, could you trace your anger back to your own ego or your own disordered loves? Furthermore, upon a closer analysis, would you be willing to admit that maybe you're angry with God?
It's important to admit our anger; to be in touch with our anger. Admit it because anger tends to hide itself. Until we recognize disordered love, we can’t heal disordered anger. What you’re doing in confession is ordering your love, in a way. You’re saying, “Look, why do I love that so much?” "God, I want to call an emotional time out. This is how I feel. Can you help me understand why I feel this way? Can you show me what I should do about it? Can you transform this into something helpful and good?"