1. The Ten Commandments were given as boundaries to protect relationships.

2. The promises of God were given as a means of increasing our relationships with Him and others.

3. The biblical instructions were given to establish healthy relationships within the church and families.

4. The need for discipline was given to help maintain boundaries. Violation of boundaries will always cause a loss in relationship!

1. Boundaries were given to protect relationships.

2. Boundaries were given to bring security to our relationships.

3. Boundaries were given to bring freedom to our relationships.

4. Boundaries were given to bring order and greater effectiveness to all relationships.

1. Unhealthy boundaries fail to accept personal responsibility.

2. Unhealthy boundaries fail to fill the real need in our lives.

3. Unhealthy boundaries fail to use our energies in the areas where God intended.

4. Unhealthy boundaries fail to see who we are in Christ.

1. Healthy boundaries realize that life is full of choices.

2. Healthy boundaries realize that I am responsible for my own choices.

3. Healthy boundaries are continually in a process of growth and understanding.

4. Healthy boundaries develop healthy relationships.

Healthy and Unhealthy Boundaries in Relationships

Healthy
· Feeling like your own person
· Feeling responsible for your own happiness
· Togetherness and separateness are balanced
· Friendships exist outside of the relationship
· Focuses on the best qualities of both people
· Achieving intimacy without chemicals
· Open, honest, and assertive communication
· Commitment to the partner
· Respecting the differences in the partner
· Accepting changes in the relationship
· Asking honestly for what is wanted
· Accepting endings

Unhealthy
· Feeling incomplete without your partner
· Relying on your partner for your happiness
· Too much or too little togetherness
· Inability to establish and maintain friendships with others
· Focuses on the worst qualities of the partners
· Using alcohol/drugs to reduce inhibitions and achieve a false sense of intimacy
· Game-playing, unwillingness to listen, manipulation
· Jealousy, relationship addiction, or lack of commitment
· Blaming the partner for his or her own unique qualities
· Feeling that the relationship should always be the same
· Feeling unable to express what is wanted
· Unable to let go

What do people believe who have not accepted personal responsibility?
* It's not my fault I am the way I am.
* I never asked to be born.
* Now that you have me, what are you going to do with me?
* I want you to fix me.
* Life is unfair! There is no sense in trying to take control of my life.
* Why go on; I see no use in it.
* You can't help me; nobody can help me. I'm useless and a failure.
* God has asked too much of me this time. There is no way I'll ever be able to handle this.
* When do the troubles and problems cease? I'm tired of all this.
* Stop the world; I want to get off.
* Life is so depressing. If only I had better luck and had been born to a healthier family, or attended a better school, or gotten a better job, etc.
* How can you say I am responsible for what happens to me in the future? There is fate, luck, politics, greed, envy, wicked and jealous people, and other negative influences that have a greater bearing on my future than I have.
* How can I ever be happy, seeing how bad my life has been?
* My parents made me what I am today!
* The problems in my family have influenced who I am and what I will be; there is nothing I can do to change that.
* Racism, bigotry, prejudice, sexism, ageism, and closed-mindedness all stand in the way of my becoming what I really want to be.
* No matter how hard I work, I will never get ahead.
* You have to accept the luck of the draw.
* I am who I am; there is no changing me.
* No one is going to call me crazy, depressed, or troubled and then try to change me.

Terms used to describe those who have not accepted personal responsibility include martyrs, self-pitying, depressed, losers, quitters, chronically angry, dependent personalities, complainers, addictive personalities, blamers, stubborn, persons in denial, troubled people, stuck, fearful, pessimists, despondent, mentally unstable, obstinate, hostile, aggressive, irresponsible, weak, guilt-ridden, resistant to help, passive, irrational, insecure, neurotic, obsessed, and lost.
James J Messina, PhD, is a licensed psychologist

Setting Boundaries must include three parts…

If you… a description of the behavior we find unacceptable (being as descriptive as possible.)

I will… a description of what action you will take to protect and take care of your self in the event the other person violates the boundary.

If you continue this behavior… a description of what steps you will take to protect the boundary that you have set.