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REVIEW: The Four Foundational Vows of Marriage:

VOW #1: THE VOW OF PRIORITY
I PROMISE THAT GOD WILL FIRST PRIORITY AND MY SPOUSE WILL BE MY SECOND.

KEY POINTS:

When we idolize our spouse or partner, we eventually demonize them.

Avoid the Law of Transference by allowing Jesus to meet your Four Deepest Needs: Acceptance, Identity, Security, and Purpose.

VOW # 2: THE VOW OF PURSUIT
I PROMISE I WILL ALWAYS PURSUE MY TWO

KEY POINTS:

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. Gen 2:24

united—(root word: dabaq (daw-bak'): cling or adhere; to catch by pursuit, to pursue hard with affection and devotion.

How DABAQ IS TRANSLATED in other places in Scripture:

I follow close behind you...Paalm 63:8 TLB

They are joined fast to one another; they cling together and cannot be parted. (Job 41:17 NIV)

They...pursued hard after them...(Judges 20:45 KJV)

• When you think something good, say it.

But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that
none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.
(Hebrews 3:13 NIV)

Men: Non-sexual AFFECTION (Do you love me?)
Women: Words of AFFIRMATION (Do you believe in me?)

• When you think something special, do it.

If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them. (James 4:17 NIV)

• When you want something different, be it.

Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the
things you did at first. ... (Revelation 2:5 NIV)

I promise to always pursue my two!

This Sunday's Notes

Becoming one is the key to the greatest intimacy.

One is the most profound word for intimacy.

Think about it. Two shall become one. It means that a couple has become so intimate and so intertwined that they act as one in the relationship.

Marriage should be a partnership where we share everything together. Unfortunately when we are selfish, we may act like two kids fighting each
other trying to get our own way.

When we can share any possession, any fear and any thought, we’re on the road to discovering what it truly means to become one…

Related Scriptures: Genesis 2:24-25, 1 Cor. 7:3-4

VOW # 3: __________________________________
I PROMISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE ABOUT “ WE” AND NOT “ME”.

"That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife,
and they become one flesh." (Gen 2:24)

‘echad (ekh-awd’); united, completely joined as one.

"…‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united
to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer
two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate.” (Matt 19:4-6)

MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT NOT A CONTRACT

• A contract is based on mutual _________________.

Protect me from your wrong-doing. Only in as far as you’re in.
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• A covenant is based on mutual __________________.

covenant: beriyth (ber-eeth'); cutting, a binding agreement, a blood covenant.

We are all in—For richer or poorer—Sickness health—Death.
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Mutual Commitment: Not 50-50…100%
Marriage is not dividing everything in half. Its giving everything u’ve got
Do unto others as Christ did.
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COVENANT PARTNERSHIP IS SUMMARIZED WITH

• GODLY __________ AND MUTUAL __________.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ." (Eph. 5:2)

Who is naturally dominant? Naturally passive?

Ask wife—Passive

Todd submitting to Shelly’s discernment about people—Cautious.
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22Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the
church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
(Eph 5:22-24)

Pain. Understand. Abusive.
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Men—you are called to lead! Doesn’t mean you make all decisions!
Dictatorship—Not leadership

Church—Crazy to make every decision
Set the tone, directions, values.

Wish my wife honor and respect me.
Give her something to honor/respect. (Authority—Relationship)
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Common vision (Faith, Fitness, Family, Friends, Finances, Fun)

• Christ-Centered / Serving in your local church

• Health (Your body belongs to God and to your spouse)

"Don't you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body." (1 Cor. 6:19-20 NLT)

• Family (kids, education - public, private, home, college, etc.)

• Friends
(Do not be misled: "Bad company corrupts good character." - 1 Cor. 15:33)

• Debt free—Generosity

• Fun (Individually AND Together)

If we have two visions—We have di-vision
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Your marriage will be as good as you both decide it will be.

Don’t feel like being nice, or feel like forgiving, or feel like working.
How many other areas of life can you make that excuse?
Examples:
Not going to feed my baby—don’t feel like it.
Not work—don’t feel like it.
Not pay taxes—don’t feel like it.
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Your marriage isn’t measured by your feelings.
Marriage is measured by commitment.

Feelings follow commitment.

But I’m not happy. Don’t love. Out of love.
Getting divorced because you ran out of love like selling car ran out gas.
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United—Untied

I PROMISE OUR MARRIAGE WILL BE ABOUT “ WE” AND NOT “ME”.

QUESTIONS:

1. When has your spouse ever used the words “mine” or “yours”?

2. Who is the more dominant spouse in your relationship especially in common areas like money, children, housework or sex?

3. If you are less dominant, how can you play a bigger role in your relationship? For those who are more dominant, how can you give your spouse more of a say in your marriage?

4. Creating an atmosphere of purity is based on having total openness physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Which area is easiest for you to share with your spouse? Which area needs improvement?

5. We should be our spouse’s safe place and lovingly talk about any
issue together in marriage. What do you need from your spouse in order to share openly?

6. Some of the most healing words in a relationship are when we say “I’m sorry” and take responsibility for our mistakes. Take a few minutes and talk privately with your spouse. Admit where you have violated some of the vows of marriage and ask for their forgiveness.