John 13:34, 35
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Recently I have seen the brilliance of Jesus in a greater way than ever in these simple words. In times past I have minimized the importance of this.

You were made for love
Nothing will give you more pleasure, and cause you more pain, than love

More songs have been written about love, than every other subject combined.
- What's love got to do, got to do with it, What's love but a second hand emotion, What's love got to do, got to do with it, Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken

Of course, this is after a part of the song where they say how attracted they are.

This illustrates the cycle everyone goes through – pleasure, pain, pleasure, pain, etc.

Why Do People Hurt the People They Love?
No one sets out to do this. That doesn’t make us feel better most of the time however. We are hurt most of the time, not because someone intends evil, but fails to do good. So, there is an expectation of good!
- There are some abusive parents, but there are even more negligent/absentee parents.
- Most marriage counseling – pre and post, deals with healthy expectations.

The opposite of love is…selfishness.
- Loving on your terms vs. their needs
- Love languages – brought out by our panel last week.

You and love: an assessment

1. You are in love with the idea of love.
Either because it’s working for you or you hope for it to one day. You’re probably under 30.

2. You’ve learned to lower your expectations to have fulfilling relationships.
You keep a safe distance with friendships and family and have learned conflict avoidance instead of conflict resolution. It’s just not worth the risk of further pain.

3. You’ve given up on having fulfilling relationships and have told yourself you’re fine being alone.
That is, until the next time you get lonely.

4. You understand that a life of real fulfillment only comes on the other side of learning how to love the right way.
You’ve figured out a risk free/pain free life is an illusion, and that the rewards of love require the risk of love. You are learning the wisdom of God in reducing all of life’s demands to the commandment to love.

Relationship Maintenance
If you’re going to continue in life giving relationships: family, friends, God’s people, you are certain skillsets you’re going to have to learn:

1. Ask for forgiveness
How hard is it for you to say “I’m sorry”?

Many people have a very hard time saying this with sincerity. They see it as weakness.

James 4:6 - But He gives more grace. Therefore He says: “God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”

2. Extend forgiveness
This is a commandment.

Matt. 6:12 - And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.

3. Commit to personal growth
Friction = traction