Maryville Police Department

The Foxhole Principle
(Notes taken from John Maxwell’s book “Winning with People”)
In poverty and other misfortunes of life, true friends are a sure refuge. The young they keep out of mischief; to the old they are comfort and aid in their weakness, and those in the prime of life they incite to noble deeds. – Aristotle

Introduction
We face many kinds of battles in life, and the “foxholes” we sometimes inhabit come in many shapes and sizes. The home is the most important one. (Ideally it should always be a safe haven with people we can depend on.) But others may include a business, a sports team, a small group, a platoon, or something else. And of course, the people who accompany us in these places are as varied as they are.
Before going any further, we need to share together three assumptions that are made as we talk about the Foxhole Principle:
1. The foxhole is for you and a friend – not a friend alone. You can ask a friend to fight with you, but you should never send someone else to fight your battles.
2. Before the battle, you have developed a friendship. The Foxhole Principle is not about imposing on distant acquaintances or using people. You need to be a friend before you asked for the help of a friend.
3. You have also been in your friend’s foxholes with them. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.”

Foxholes Without Friends Are Unhealthy!!!
Separating oneself from others and trying to face the world alone is not healthy or helpful. Years ago, a campaign initiated by the California Department of Mental Health ran a campaign with the slogan “Friends can be good medicine.” Here are just a few findings that prompted the department to embark on the initiative:
· If you isolate yourself from others, you are 2 to 3 times more likely to die an early death. This is true independently of whether you take good care of yourself by exercising and refraining from smoking.
· If you isolate yourself from others, you’re more likely to contract terminal cancer.
· If you are divorced, separated, or widowed, you have a 5 to 10 times greater chance of being hospitalized for mental disorder than if you are married.
· If you are a pregnant woman without good personal relationships, your chances of having some kind of complication are three times as great as those with strong relationships, even given the same amount of stress.[1]
Foxhole Experiences Forge Great Friendships
1. You should be willing to fight for any friend whose help you would request. That’s what friends do.
2. When you face tough times, you find out who your real friends are.
3. It is said that when Benjamin Franklin signed the Declaration of Independence, he uttered the words, “We must, indeed, all hang together or, most assuredly, we shall hang separately.”
4. You may have many friends, but not all of them will be foxhole friends. For that matter, you will not be that kind of an ally to everyone in your life either. Foxhole friendships are special.
Next week, will take a look at five things that we should keep in mind before we agree to do battle with someone.

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[1] Robert Lauer and Jeannette Lauer, Watersheds (Boston: Little, Brown, 1988), 69