Redeeming Anger: Turning Pain Into PurposeSample

What Pushes Your Buttons?

An emotional outburst often occurs when our buttons are intentionally or unintentionally pushed.

It's natural to react instinctively when our unhealed emotions are triggered. Feelings of misunderstanding, rejection, inadequacy, or fear—along with many other negative emotions—can drive us to react defensively instead of responding with kindness.

Understanding the dynamics that trigger expressions of anger is an essential aspect of learning to respond instead of react in any situation.

A button exists because of an experience that left a deep emotional wound. When hurt, threatened, or shamed, it creates a vulnerable "soft spot" within us. Later, when we encounter a similar situation—even years down the line—it subconsciously reminds us of the original pain, triggering feelings of shame, fear, or distress. As a result, we react, both internally and often externally as well.

Recognizing those triggers and how they influence our reactions is crucial to controlling our emotions and responding thoughtfully rather than letting anger consume us.

It’s essential to recognize that our emotional response isn’t always caused by the person we’re interacting with in the moment. The idea of "having our buttons pushed" implies that these buttons already exist within us. The way we hear and perceive what someone says triggers our reaction. Something gets “tripped” deep within us.

We can begin healing our emotional triggers by reflecting on two key questions and being willing to process the underlying memories. These questions are:

1. What am I feeling?
2. When have I felt this way before? (This may require looking back weeks, months, or even years to uncover the source of the original trauma or emotional wound).

By answering these two questions, we gain insight into which emotions are triggered and which past experiences remain unresolved. If we confront these memories, reframe our interpretations, and embrace and process our feelings, the intensity of the original wound will diminish.

This healing process allows us to disempower the button—gradually softening the “tender spot” within us. Over time, when faced with situations that might have once triggered strong emotional reactions, we’ll find ourselves better equipped to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Unlock Your Life:

Next time your buttons are pushed, ask yourself the above questions (or, as a preventative measure, take time now to identify one or two “buttons” you are already aware of that tend to challenge you).

For example, you may react when you feel misunderstood. Knowing that, ask yourself when you first felt that way. Was it with a boss or co-worker? With a coach or teacher in High School? With a parent during childhood?

Ask God for Wisdom in processing the deeper wounds that are still creating turmoil within. Seek counsel if necessary. Your peace of mind and relationships are at stake.

Partnering With God:

Father God, please shine the Light of Your Spirit on the deepest places in my heart. I invite You to expose memories that cause me to feel insecure when I feel misunderstood. I know that You want me to feel loved and secure and to respond to the people you have put into my life with patience and grace. Give me an understanding of the reasons I naturally react and help me heal wounded areas of my life so that I can respond to those around me. In Jesus' Name, Amen!