Shouts of GraceMfano

## Grace for Reconciliation 43 years ago, a few days after our 13th Christmas, Linda took our three young daughters and moved out of the parsonage to end our marriage. Without my realizing it, success in ministry had become my god. The church which I pastored was growing and we had added a full-time minister of youth and evangelism. I had also taken on responsibilities which took me away from home to climb the leadership ladder in my large denomination. I was working 60 to 70 hours each week and when I was home, I was paying only minimal attention to the needs of my wife and children. Linda appeared to be so efficient and effective as a mother that she seemed to do everything needed in the home. After years of being a “single mom with a whirlwind husband,” she realized that she was lonely, physically ill, and wearing herself out to help me succeed. She got sick of it and “pulled the plug.” I had been so self-engrossed that I was completely clueless of her pain, and I suddenly fell from “ministerial success” to complete failure as a husband. For two weeks I was a blubbering mess. But while the devil was trying to destroy me, Holy Spirit brought the grace of hope . As I approached the “throne of grace” in complete brokenness, He showed me a promise: “Love (agapē) never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:8a). And a command: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Somehow I knew that through is better than out. Holy Spirit then brought the grace of godly sorrow that broke my heart, worked deep repentance in me, and brought a willingness to humble myself before God and before Linda in order to seek her forgiveness. But she wouldn’t have it. I had wounded her too deeply, and she had reasons to believe I would never change. So, I needed to meet twice with her divorce attorney as the days of separation turned into weeks and months. But rather than quitting, I pressed into God and received grace to approach His throne of grace with fearless confidence and cheerful courage for reconciliation (Hebrews 4:16). In that place I also found the grace of faith that each weekly meeting with our daughters would give me another opportunity to demonstrate to God and to myself that I was acting out of self-sacrificial love for Linda. Even though her defense mechanisms stayed strong week after week, I was encouraged to see myself changing and improving in the simplest and most important labor of agapē love. Finally, she let God break her heart as He had broken mine, and my family moved back into the parsonage with me—not because she wanted to, but because she was genuinely looking for God’s best plan for herself and our children. I now had to approach God’s throne for the grace to persevere in the new energy I needed for daily and hourly selfless love, knowing I was on “probation,” and God gave me grace after grace. We both made mistakes, of course, so it took another 6-8 months to actually become comfortable with each other and walk out our “new norm” of godly attitudes and behavior patterns. Last August we celebrated the power of agapē love and God’s throne of grace on our 55th wedding anniversary! We don’t know any couple happier or more deeply in love than we are. \- Pastor Steve Kobernik #### Prayer God, help me to recognize that you designed marriage so we could grow up before we grow old. Help me to take hold of Your grace to use our marriage trials as opportunities to become more like You. #### Journal Directions 1. Identify and write about a discomfort in your marriage, or any significant relationship, that could become a crisis if you don’t find hope and faith at God’s throne of grace for the change(s) you need to make. Purpose to practice the five graces highlighted in this article (grace of hope, grace of godly sorrow, grace to approach, grace of faith, and grace to persevere). 2. Do the same about any other significant relationship you have that needs reconciliation. Don’t try to dig something up. If this is a God assignment, you will easily know right away. If there is anything you have done wrong that you haven’t sought forgiveness for, ask God to show you how to confess your sin and ask forgiveness without implying blame on the other person's part. 3. Expect the ideas of where God wants you to seek wisdom and help to be words of wisdom from Holy Spirit. Write them down and act on them. 4. Ask Holy Spirit if there is someone you care about who needs grace for reconciliation in a bad relationship. Pray for them the five graces highlighted in this article. Journal their names and that you are praying for them.