Reintegration After DeploymentSampel

 The Grace of Patience 

 Matthew and Samantha are both very competent and pride themselves on a job well done. While Matthew was deployed, Samantha had the kids on a routine, which seemed to help them adjust to the fact that “Daddy’s gone.” Samantha managed all of the jobs at home and felt that was what was required. When Matthew returned home, he could tell everything was running smoothly and wondered where he would fit in. After seeing the family go off in their own directions doing their own things, he felt like a “third wheel” in his own house. While deployed he had been leading a unit in an exemplary way, but he doesn’t feel significant at home or appreciated anymore, so he withdrew.

It may take time to get back to normal physical patterns after a lengthy separation. After all, you are both tired—and excited. 

This is when it is extremely important to remember that reintegration is a season . . .  a journey. Be patient with each other. Talk about sharing responsibilities again. The spouse who found great significance in the military mission may need to regain a sense of purpose in normal household routines. 

Likewise, the spouse at home needs to gradually let go of some of the tasks he or she managed alone. Reintegration is a synchronized dance that takes time to relearn so that you don’t step on each other’s toes!

The grace of patience says, “I’m so glad we’re back together again. I will be patient during this time of transition and help you to readjust . . . not criticize.” 

1. What is the source of Matthew and Samantha’s conflict? Do you see that happening in your own marriage?

2. What steps can you take to avoid this becoming a continuing source of isolation in your reintegration?

For more on improving your marriage, listen to Tim and Darcy Kimmel talk about “Grace Filled Marriage” on FamilyLife Today.