Reintegration After DeploymentSampel

The Grace of Kind Words

Jacob and Sarah were off to a good start on his return home. But as the days went by he got bossy in the handling of the household and the children. Sarah feels he is “barking orders” at her—as if she has done something wrong. But Jacob feels like too many things have been allowed to slide since he’s been gone …  so now it’s time to get their life back in order.

Like Jacob and Sarah, both of you as husband and wife have taken on different responsibilities during deployment. Adjusting to life together again can create harsh, demanding tones and explosive arguments when tasks are not done in a certain way. Unless checked by grace, barking orders at each other becomes a natural outgrowth of what you have experienced during your time apart. 

The grace of kind words says, “Humility and gentleness will shine best through my smile and kind speech.” You are not each other’s enemy, although it may take time and patience to view each other lovingly.

So take time each day to express gratitude for the many ways your spouse has faced their responsibilities during the challenging time of deployment. “You were really courageous,” and, “Thanks for taking good care of the kids,” are kind words which set the stage for even more opportunities to affirm each other. 

1. What is the source of Jacob and Sarah’s attitudes? How have you seen that happening in your own marriage?

2. What steps can you take to avoid this being a continuing source of conflict in your reintegration?

For more on the importance of kind words in your marriage relationship, read “Winning the War on Words.”